South Park: The Stick of Truth
by CaptainPrice
Summary: A new kid that has no recollection of his past arrives in South Park with his family in hopes to start a new life. Upon his arrival, he finds himself pulled into a game that he believes is just Dungeons and Dragons, but soon finds out it's not just a game. He will find out that the quiet little mountain town is far from normal with randomness at every turn.
1. Enter Douchebag

**Hey everybody, I have been waiting for an excuse and had a craving to write a South Park fic for a while now. I wrote this after getting The Stick of Truth and beating it within two days of non stop play. A great game and I would highly recommend it for anyone who is a fan of the show. What you are about to read is a reflection of my actual gameplay and everything the new kid says, thinks or does is what I said/would say. The new kid's personality is based off of mine, cause hey, it is supposed to be you. Quick note before we start, I switched between first and third person view here. Depending on the feedback, I will either stick with one POV style or switch between both to describe something further. Now, let's get to it.**

**Disclaimer: I don't own South Park as it belongs to Trey Parker and Matt Stone. I do own the OC in the story.**

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* * *

Deep in the lands of Zaron, the humans of Kupa Keep struggle to stay alive as they are attacked by the wicked Drow Elves of Larnion. Darkness falls as the humans beg their king to save them. A noble king, known only as the Grand Wizard. For a thousand years the battle has been waged, with only the bravery of the Grand Wizard to protect his human followers. But even though the wizard is so undeniably cool, the Drow Elf armies continue their attacks. They seek the human's most treasured relic- the Stick of Truth.

But the tides of war are soon to change, as news of a "new" kid spreads throughout the land. In order to save the humans, the Grand Wizard must get to the new kid before the Drow Elves can manipulate his mind and use him, to take the sacred relic from human hands. For whoever controls the Stick… controls the universe.

* * *

The sun was rising over the quiet little mountain town of South Park, Colorado. The main street had townsfolk moving from shop to shop and now and then a few cars would drive into town or leave towards Denver. Kids were playing in the park and their backyards as they tried to make the most of their Sunday count before they started the school week. While all this was taking place, on the southern part of town, a new family was moving into the neighborhood. Before the family arrived, there was gossip going around town about them, but not just the adults were talking, the kids were too. The new family's arrival had been the hot topic of the quiet town and everyone was eager to welcome them.

The family was a small one with only three members, a mother, a father and a son. They just arrived at their new house and the movers were unloading the moving van. Their house was like the others on the street. Two stories tall, complete with two bedrooms, two bathrooms and a garage. The movers walked across the lawn with the last of the family's possessions and entered the house. They set them down by the other stacked boxes and received a nod in thanks from the father. The movers went back to their truck and left the family to unpack.

"Well, I think that's everything," the father said as he set a box down and walked over to his wife.

"We did it, hon, we're really moved in!" She replied as she hugged him with joy.

"It's a new beginning for us. Things are finally going to be good!"

The mother's look of joy became one of concern as she looked up at the ceiling to where their son's room was. The man noticed her worried look and looked up to the ceiling as well. They stood there in silence as they thought about their son and the reason they moved in the first place.

"Do you really think it will be better for him, Nick?" She asked.

"They won't look for him here," Nick replied as he put his hands on her shoulders. "We just need to make sure he doesn't attract any attention."

"I know, but…"

"Okay, Tara, if you're really concerned about him, let's go see how he's doing."

Tara smiled and walked over to the stairs with Nick right behind her. They ascended the stairs to their son's room. His room was off to the right and the door was closed. Tara walked to the door and knocked on it.

"Sweetie?" Tara called out. "Hon, you all dressed?"

No response came from the other side, making Tara look back at Nick who just shrugged. Tara turned the knob and opened the door and they entered the room. The room was just a little smaller than theirs, but big enough for a child to have room for their things. As they looked around the room, they saw that the bed was made and most of their son's things were already packed away. It seemed as though he wanted to get it done as fast as he could. They saw their son standing by his bed and looking around the room. He appeared to be so focused that he did not notice their presence.

The ten year old boy was a hair taller than average kids his age. His messy brown hair matched his brown eyes. He did not have a set style of clothing like most kids, but chose to wear whatever caught his eye. Today he was wearing blue jeans, a light grey t-shirt and a green cotton button up shirt that was unbuttoned.

"Hey, champ, how do you like your new room?" Nick asked.

The boy looked at his parents and gave a shrug. Like most kids, he would only give simple answers.

"It's okay, I guess," the boy replied. "It's like my old one, just a little smaller."

"I know it's a big change for all of us, but… son, do you remember why we moved to this quiet little mountain town?" Nick said.

The boy said nothing as his eyebrows furrowed in thought. He just looked blankly at them and they spared each other a quick glance.

"He doesn't remember," Nick whispered.

"He doesn't remember at all," Tara whispered back.

"That's good he doesn't remember."

As Tara and Nick bickered back and forth about their son not remembering the purpose for their moving, the boy raised a brow at their behavior. He was able to hear everything they said, but he had the feeling they were poking fun at him. He rolled his eyes and sat down on his bed.

"Uh, sweetie, we want you to have lots of fun around here. Why don't you go out and make some friends?" Tara suggested.

"Right, get outside and play, son. Like normal kids," Nick added.

"I'll put some money on the kitchen counter for you, sweetie. Just be back before it gets dark."

The boy shrugged again and forced a smile at his parents. He was a little hesitant at going out and making friends. He could not remember how he made them in the past and was a little intimidated at being the new guy. His parents smiled at him and went back downstairs, leaving him alone to do what he pleased. The boy got off his bed and looked at his desk where his pet goldfish swam around. He smiled and walked over to the fish bowl and leaned down to look at his fish.

"I'll be back later, Speedy," the boy said as he made his way out of his room.

He sighed as he trudged downstairs to go to the kitchen. His father was sitting on the couch and was taking a break from unpacking as he watched TV. The boy continued his walk to the kitchen and could see his mother packing away dishes in the cupboards. He remembered she put the money on the counter and he hurried over to it. His hand grabbed the green bills and he counted five dollars in it. It was not much, but it was enough to get a treat or see a movie.

He pocketed the money and was about to leave the kitchen, but he saw his mother looking at him with a smile. The boy gave a genuine smile back at his mother. She was always the one he would talk to if he had trouble with something and she was always very sweet and understanding. His father was another story. Although he attempted to talk to him, he was awkward and often times he remained silent, so there was a bit of a gap in their relationship.

"Go out and make friends, sweetie," Tara said as she set a stack of plates in the cupboard.

"I will," the boy replied as he turned around and walked out of the kitchen.

He walked to the front door and gave a quick wave to his father before opening it and walking outside. He closed the door behind him and walked across the lawn to the sidewalk. The boy looked up and down the street and frowned. There was not a single kid in sight, which only made his job of making friends more difficult. Sighing again, he decided to start walking around. He knew he would eventually bump into someone.

* * *

My legs carried me down the sidewalk as I headed east. I figured there would be more kids if I went down towards the other houses on my block. As my eyes scanned for other kids, I tried to remember what it was like where I last lived. Usually kids were always outside and playing from sunrise to sundown, but here it was like a ghost town. Christ, this was going to take getting used to. As I neared the house that neighbored mine, I heard the sound of crunching snow from the fence that separated our houses.

Two kids ran from the yard and were now on the sidewalk. I was interested in the little scuffle that was taking place between them, but even more interested in what they were wearing. Their costumes appeared to have been made by hand and were medieval in appearance. It looked like they were doing a Dungeons and Dragons game. Being a bit of geek, I decided to stand off to the side and watch the fight unfold before me. Maybe I would ask to play once I figured out how the game worked. The two boys had different outfits. The blonde boy had some type of circlet on his head and was wearing a blue cape while the other was wearing elf ears and green clothes.

"You shall die by my warhammer, Drow Elf!" The blonde boy said.

"Nuh uh!" The other replied.

"I banish thee to the forest realm!"

"No way, I banished you first!" The boy with elf ears swung his wooden dagger at the boy. "Hah! You can't hold out much longer!"

The blonde boy grew frantic at that and started looking around as he kept blocking the wooden dagger with his hammer.

"Somebody help! I can't hold out much longer!" The blonde boy yelled.

While I still had no idea how the game worked, I felt like I should help the blonde kid. No one should stand by and watch as someone gets their ass beat. I ran up to the boy with the wooden dagger as he got ready to bring it down on the fallen blonde boy. My body slammed hard into him as I made him stumble away. The boy turned around in surprise and gave me a heated glare. I could tell I pissed him off and I was waiting for him to retaliate, but he just kept his eyes locked with mine as he started walking away.

"That's cheating!" The boy sneered. "I'm going to go tell my mom!"

The kid ran off, leaving me and the blonde boy alone. I turned and helped the boy up and he gave me a friendly smile. From the look of it, the boy in front of me seemed like an okay kid.

"Thanks, kid. I didn't realize he had a health potion," the blonde boy said.

Health potion? Wait, were they still playing the game or were they actually in a fight? The way I saw it, it appeared as though the blonde kid was going to get the crap kicked out of him if I didn't do anything so I intervened.

"My name is Butters the Merciful. I'm a paladin. I live right next door to you, we should be friends!" The boy, now known as Butters greeted.

As I heard the word friend I relaxed a bit. I made my first friend in the neighborhood and I've barely been outside for five minutes. It gave me a good feeling and I could tell that there would be more friends to come if I stuck with Butters. Butters motioned for me to follow him and I did so. I guess I would be playing this Dungeons and Dragons game after all.

"Now that we're friends, you should speak with the Wizard King! He's been talking about your arrival!" Butters said.

Wizard King? Who the hell was the Wizard King and why was he talking about my arrival? So many questions ran through my head, but I let them slide. Everything would eventually fall into place for me. All I had to do was just play the game and I would figure things out one at a time. Butters and I kept walking until we came to a green house that was just beside Butters'. We stepped on the porch and Butters rang the doorbell.

* * *

The door opened a few seconds later to reveal another kid. This kid in front of me was definitely not skinny. In fact, he was pretty fat, maybe obese. He was wearing a costume like that of a wizard with red robes, a staff and a blue pointed hat with a smiley face on the front.

"All hail the Grand Wizard!" Butters said with a loud and praise filled voice.

The fat kid looked me up and down and leaned on his staff as he addressed me.

"So, you are the new kid. Your coming was foretold by Coldwell Banker. I am the Wizard King," the boy said.

Now I knew how the kid figured out I was moving here, but did not bother to dwell on how he got the information. I wanted to speak, but the boy before me continued talking.

"The time to talk is not nigh. Let me show you my kingdom," the boy continued as he turned around and walked back inside.

Butters and I followed the fat boy inside. There was a woman, possibly the fat kid's mom, sitting on the couch. She had been fiddling on her iPhone and just took notice of me as I walked by with Butters.

"Oh, who's your new friend, Eric?" The woman asked.

"Shut up, Mom. Not now," the fat boy replied.

I frowned at Eric's response to his mother. I barely met him, but I could tell he was one of those kids that were probably very spoiled and had their parents wrapped around their finger. Eric opened the back door to the kitchen and led me outside with Butters following close behind. I took a moment to take in the sight before me. For a game of Dungeons and Dragons they were really into it. There was a little fortress made of cardboard with a sign reading 'Kupa Keep' near the fence with a makeshift pen and a small shop for purchasing random things. I had to give them credit, for an old game they were really going all out on it. There were three other boys, well, maybe two as one appeared to look like a girl with the long blonde hair.

Eric made me follow him towards the cardboard fort, all the while pointing out each of the others in the yard. He pointed at the brown-haired boy in the shop and addressed him as Clyde. The other one at the stables with the green shirt was Scott and apparently the last one with long blonde hair was a boy named Kenny.

"Don't ask why Kenny wanted to be a chick, that just seems to be the way he is rolling right now," Eric muttered to me.

"No judgment," I replied as I dismissed it with a wave.

I followed Eric until he came to a stop at the front of the fort and turned around to talk to me again.

"You have been sought out, new kid, because humans everywhere are in great danger. I need something from you and, in return, I am prepared to allow you into my kingdom," Eric said as he nodded at Butters.

Butters pulled out a piece of paper and a pen when Eric looked at him. I guess I was playing Dungeons and Dragons now, but if I made friends out of it, I really didn't care. This day was going fairly well and it could only get better from here on in. The kids I met so far didn't seem too bad, although Eric was a bit of an asshole, but then again there is always that one friend in your group that is the asshole.

"I know you are very excited. It's time for your first quest, but first, tell us thy name," Eric said as Butters handed me the paper and pen.

I took the pen and paper and looked at the sheet. I saw that it said Kupa Keep Warriors on the top along with Eric's, Butters', Kenny's, Clyde's and Scott's names. My thumb clicked the pen and I scribbled my name down on it. Johnny Earnhardt. I handed the paper and pen back to Butters who then showed it to Eric. Eric looked at my name and then at me with a smirk.

"You wrote down Douchebag, right?" Eric asked.

I sent Eric a glare. He could see my name in clear sight, but he insisted on being an ass about it.

"No, it's John," I replied.

"Are you sure you didn't write Douchebag?"

"Yes, you ass!"

"Very well, Douchebag! Now, before you can continue you must choose your class. Warrior, Mage, Thief, or Jew."

I bit back my retort towards Eric. I would get my payback on him later. No bully pushes me around and gets away with it. Eric stepped aside and showed four sets of outfits and I stepped forward to take a look at them. From left to right I listed the classes that Eric mentioned and my hand moved to each one.

"A fighter has courage, honor, and the ability to kick fucking ass," Eric said as my hand hovered over the warrior outfit.

I nodded at his description of the class. That sounded a lot like me, but I wanted to know what the other classes had as capabilities. I then looked at the mage outfit.

"A mage is like a wizard, only not as cool," Eric explained.

Not much of a description, but since Eric was a wizard I would stay clear from that. Magic was cool, but spells weren't my style. I preferred being up close and personal with my fights. I then checked on the next one, the thief.

"You look sneaky enough to be a thief," Eric commented.

I smirked. I didn't steal, but I was damn good at being sneaky when I wanted to be. The thief was the second option I kept in mind as I went to the last set of clothes. The Jew. A weird name for a class, but I decided not to question it.

"Jew, huh? Guess we'll never really be friends," Eric said with disappointment in his voice.

I mentally checked off another bit about Eric. Not only was he an asshole, but he also seemed to hate specific groups of people and may even be a racist. My thoughts came back to the two classes I was contemplating. As my eyes shifted between the two, I remembered what Eric said. Making up my mind, I grabbed the warrior outfit.

"Everyone, welcome to our kingdom Douchebag the Fighter!" Eric said as he raised his arms up in the air in praise.

"Hooray!" Butters cheered.

Clyde, Butters, Scott and Kenny all applauded as they welcomed me into the group. As I looked at my teammates for this game I got dragged into I couldn't help but smile inwardly, even though I was dubbed Douchebag. Hopefully that name would be dropped as I proved myself to them while we played.

_"All right South Park, I'm here. Let's see what you have to throw at me,"_ I thought as I made my way to Clyde to get a weapon.

* * *

**So that's the first chapter everybody. I'm not sure what you all thought about it, but hopefully you all enjoyed it. Since this story is not my primary focus, the updates won't be as frequent, but I will update the story. I won't be doing all the side quests from the game as I decided to do only my favorite ones because they were fun. I'll see you next time. -CaptainPrice**


	2. Assault and Battery

**What's going on everybody? I decided to post the next chapter for the story here. First off I would like to thank you all for the alerts and the favorites and I'm thankful for the reviews. It means a lot to see that, so I hope you all enjoy this chapter. So let's hop to it!**

**Disclaimer: I don't own South Park as it belongs to Trey Parker and Matt Stone. I do own the OC "Johnny Earnhardt" in the story.**

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* * *

After putting on my new outfit for the game which consisted of an old blue sweater, yellow gloves and a red headband, I walked over to Clyde. Clyde nodded at me as he placed a few weapons on the table. Once again I had to give them credit for the weapons as they all looked pretty cool to be used in the game. One weapon in particular caught my eye and that was the thick wooden sword. I grabbed the hilt of the blade and pulled it off the counter. The sword itself was light, not even ten pounds. I stepped to the side and gave a few test swings. There was a whoosh with each swing as the thick wood cut through the air. This would definitely come in handy against the Drow Elves when the time came.

Footsteps came behind me and I turned to see Eric standing by Clyde. For a fleeting second I saw an evil twinkle in his eye as he looked at Clyde and then at me. I could see the wheels in his head turning and immediately knew that what happened next was going to be something amusing to him.

"Ah! You have procured yourself a weapon. Nice. It is now time to teach you how to fight," Eric said.

"What is there to fighting? You punch, kick, block and beat the shit out of the guy. It's not rocket science," I replied.

Eric gave a laugh and a smirk came across his face.

"Now, I want you to take your weapon, and, with the bravery of a noble knight- beat up Clyde," Eric said as he turned to Clyde.

Clyde's head perked up and he looked at Eric with defiance.

"What?" Clyde asked.

"Kick Clyde's ass, New Kid!" Eric said with a happy tone.

"What did I do?"

"I'm the king, Clyde, and the king wishes to be amused. Go on, New Kid, kick his ass."

I shrugged as Clyde stepped off to the side with me and drew his own wooden blade. I got down into a more balanced stance and gripped my sword tightly as I kept it at the ready. Once Clyde saw that I was ready, he came at me. I was taken by surprise with his sudden charge, but kept my focus as I tried to anticipate his next move. Clyde was barely a foot away from me when he swung for my face. I quickly brought my sword up and parried the attack. Clyde's sword bounced off mine from the recoil since he did not keep a firm grip which left him open.

It was now my move. I stepped forward and gave a quick slash, hitting Clyde in the arm. His face scrunched up in pain, but I felt as though I could get one more attack in while he was stunned. I stepped forward and slashed down, hitting Clyde on his shoulder. Clyde swore in pain and glared up at me.

"Oh, hell yeah! Clyde's your bitch!" Eric said with a grin.

"All right, fuck this, get over here!" Clyde said as he swung at me.

Clyde's spike of anger made him forget about pain as he slashed at me. I blocked the attack like last time, but this time the grip on my blade was not as stable, causing his attack to continue and hit my arm. I'm not going to lie, that actually hurt a bit.

"All right, Clyde's wearing armor. In order to hurt him, I want you to hit him as hard as you can," Eric said as he looked at me.

That could be arranged. I still had to get payback after he managed to get a lucky hit on me a second ago. Clyde charged at me again and swung. This time I was ready to counter the attack properly. Wham! Our swords met and bounced off. Clyde staggered back a little, but I managed to keep control as I ran towards him. He managed to get to his feet just as I got within range of him. Clyde went to block towards his side, but I had something different planned. As I brought my sword up, I did not strike at him, but jumped in the air and did a spin in the opposite direction. There was a loud thump as my sword smashed into Clyde's helmet, making him stumble away.

"Ow!" Clyde shouted.

"Oh shit, dude, I think I see blood! Fucking nice, brah! That's exactly what you do to guys with armor like that!" Eric said as he applauded my strike.

Sure enough, I could see some blood trickling from the side of Clyde's face as it ran down from under his helmet. I felt a little guilty at drawing blood with that attack, but then again, playing rough was fun. Eric turned to Clyde and then nodded at him.

"The key to winning a fight is not to get hit in the balls," Eric said to me. "Clyde, it's your turn to attack. Douchebag, protect your balls!"

Protect your balls. I smirked as I found that pretty funny. No man would want to get hit the jewels with a piece of wood. Actually, now that I think about it, no man would want to get hit in the jewels at all. I've had my fair share of hits to the balls growing up and none of them were pleasant. While I was lost in my thoughts, Clyde was bringing his blade in for a swing. I barely registered the attack as I brought my blade up and managed to block the attack.

"That's what I'm talking about! Dude, you're already way better than Clyde!" Eric said with a nod. "All right. It's time to use your heroic powers."

Heroic powers? What the hell did he mean? Were heroic powers like some type of special attack? I was given my answer when Eric suddenly tossed me a wooden bat and a baseball. Getting an idea, I tucked my wooden blade in my belt and ran at Clyde with the bat and baseball in my hand. I stood in front of Clyde and tossed the ball high in the air. This got the reaction I was looking for as he looked up to watch it fall. I waited for the ball as it came down and swung just when it was at chest level with Clyde. Wham! The air left Clyde's body as he fell to the ground in a heap. I pulled out my wooden sword with my free hand and swung down with it and then swung with the bat. My dual wielding onslaught came to an end and Clyde lay moaning on the ground as he clutched his sides.

I felt pretty bad as I believe that was probably a bit overkill with the baseball bat. I stood up and tucked my sword back in my belt and gripped the baseball bat before extending a hand out to Clyde to help him up. Clyde took my hand and I gave him a tug and heard him groan again. Eric burst out laughing.

"Ha, ha, ha! Dude, that was awesome! You were all like wham! And Clyde was like, 'Noo!' Ha, ha, that was sweet!" Eric laughed.

_"Eric, acting like a dick is only getting you bonus brownie points for the ass whooping I plan to give you later,"_ I thought as a smirk came to my face. _"I get the feeling I will really enjoy it, too."_

Clyde limped over to the weapon shop and leaned against the counter in an attempt to recollect himself.

"Okay, okay. You've proved yourself worthy, Douchebag. Now, come inside the war tent and I shall let you see the relic," Eric said as he turned around and walked to the makeshift fort near the fence.

* * *

I dragged the bat behind me and entered the large tent behind Eric. What he said earlier about the relic had gathered my attention. What was the relic? I almost bumped into Eric when he came to a stop in front of a large chair and daïs. As I took my spot beside him, my eyes saw a pillow on top of the daïs and on top of the pillow was a stick. I glanced at Eric and saw that his gaze was fixated on it. The relic was a stick? That was a bit of a letdown. I was thinking if they had gone all out with this game they would have made the relic cooler, but I guess there was some shortcomings.

"Well, here it is. The reason humans and elves are locked in a never ending war. The relic for which human and elf are willing to die," Eric said as he stared at the stick. "The Stick of Truth."

Eric explained to me that he and his group took the stick back from the elves just days ago. There kingdom was dying, but now it had a chance to thrive once more. The rule was that whoever controlled the stick controlled the universe. The game was starting to get more interesting and I was glad I managed to take part in it. The way I saw it, I was on the winning side and that was not a bad way to start the game. Eric then shielded his eyes and looked away and I raised a brow in confusion.

"Don't gaze at it too long! For its power is too much for mere mortals to look at!" Eric said as he turned away.

"So, what, it's like the Raiders of the Lost Ark?" I asked as I glanced at him. "Your face melts the fuck off if you look at it too long?"

I thought I heard Eric chuckle at that a little, but brushed it off. We turned to leave the tent, but he stopped me before reaching the flap.

"Now that you have seen the Stick of Truth, let's discuss your dues. Being a member of my kingdom costs nine ninety-five for the first week, four dollars of which is tax-deductible…" Eric continued.

Wait, I had to pay? Fuck that, I might as well go to the elves. At least they probably didn't charge you for being a part of the kingdom. I was about to respond to Eric, but Butters' voice met my ears.

"Alarm! Alarm! Alarm!" Butters yelled as he burst into the tent.

"What is it?" Eric asked.

"The elves are attacking!"

"Oh my God! Defensive positions, let's go!"

Eric and Butters shot out of the tent and I had to give some credit to Eric. He may be a huge asshole, but when it came to defending something he had possession of, it seemed as though he was ready to stand for it. I took one last look at the stick before running outside.

Upon exiting the tent, I saw Scott, Butters, Clyde, and Eric standing in the center of the yard. My eyes then saw a group of kids wearing prosthetic elf ears on the other side of the fence where the gate was open. I hurried over to Butters and Eric to see what the plan was.

"Man the gates! Don't let those assholes through!" Eric barked.

"Give us the stick, humans!" One of the elves commanded.

"Fuck you, Drow Elf! Come and get it!" Eric shot back before turning to Clyde. "Clyde, guard the Stick of Truth while we defend the fortress!"

"Aye! Aye!" Clyde said with a nod as he made his way to the tent.

"Aye, aye? We're not playing pirates, Clyde!"

Eric shook his head before he looked at me with a serious expression.

"Douchebag, this is your chance to prove yourself. Hold off the asshole elves at all costs!" Eric said.

* * *

Butters, Scott, and I went to charge at the elves that came into the yard. I glanced back to see Eric standing near the tent. For a leader he had no problems giving commands, but he was a huge pussy when it came to actually fighting. Shaking my head, I pulled out my wooden sword as two elves came at me. I then gripped the bat tightly in my free hand. I knew I could fight one, but two was pushing it.

The first elf came at me, but I noticed that the other one stayed back and pulled out a bow. I saw the ranged threat and knew that if I stayed within melee distance with the one near me he risked friendly fire, but if I got close to him, he could not shoot. Thinking fast, I blocked the elf's strike with my bat and swung with my sword. Whack! The sword struck the elf in the leg and he stopped to hop up and down in pain. Taking the chance, I ran at the shooter who was surprised with my sudden charge.

"Hey, buddy!" I said with a smirk as I jumped at him.

I brought my sword down and slashed at the bow. The bow split in half with my first hit and I followed up with a swing of the bat. Wham! The bat hit the boy in the stomach and he fell to the ground in a heap. I brought my elbow up and slammed it down on his back, finishing him off. My victory was short lived as I felt a sharp point stab me in the back. I gave a surprised cry as the wooden blade pierced my skin and turned around in fury.

"Come on!" I taunted as I changed the grip of my weapons.

"Eat shit!" The elf replied as he swung at me.

I was ready for the attack as I countered back with a block. My sword deflected the strike and he lost his grip on the weapon. I swung once more and tapped him in the chest with the blade and he fell to the ground and tried to crawl to his weapon. Seeing this, I decided to get him while he was down. I gripped the bat tightly and swung up with it and hit him under hit butt.

"Argh!" The boy cried out as he held his rear.

"Ha, ha! Right in the gooch! Nice one, Douchebag!" Eric commented.

With the two elves dealt with, I looked to see how Butters and Scott were doing. Scott was down on the ground and getting hit repeatedly and Butters was holding out against another elf. When I saw Scott getting beat as he was lying defenseless I felt nothing but rage towards the kid attacking him. That was dirty and cowardly. I dashed at Scott and jumped at the elf that raised his sword to attack again. Just like I did earlier with the kid that was attacking Butters on the sidewalk, I slammed into him. The kid and I fell to the ground hard, but I was the first to recover as my anger got the better of me.

When I looked at the kid that I tackled, I recognized him as the same one that attacked Butters earlier. This kid liked to play dirty, and I was more than ready to give him a taste of his own medicine. The kid noticed me and gave me a glare of his own.

"You again!" The kid said.

I said nothing as I dropped my bat to grab the front of the boy's shirt. I then brought back my hand with my blade and slammed the pommel of it on his forehead. The boy's eyes rolled to the back of his head and his hands went to cradle it. I stood up and picked up my bat and gave one more swing. The blow hit him in the stomach and he grabbed it in pain, completely forgetting about the hit to the head I gave him seconds ago.

"Oh, shit! Douchebag is out for blood!" Eric said with a large grin. "Fucking nice hit, brah!"

Drowning out Eric's words, I looked at the last elf that was attacking Butters. I ran at the elf and swung with my blade, hitting him in the back. The elf spun around to lock eyes with me and attacked. I crossed my blade and bat and blocked the overhead strike from the elf. As I was in a deadlock with the elf, I glanced at Butters and nodded. Butters, although hesitant, made his move. He brought back his hammer and slammed it down on the kid's back. The kid's eyes widened with pain as he dropped to the ground in a heap.

"Ouch, ouch, ouch," the kid muttered.

I took one last look around at the elves that we fought and saw them running to the gate. Scott, Butters and I went to gather around Eric as the elves began to retreat.

"Drow Elves, fall back! Fall back I say!" The lead elf yelled.

The elves shot out of the gate and vanished from view. A large smile came to Eric's face and he gave a loud cheer in victory. Despite not having done any of the fighting. I looked at Scott and Butters and gave them high fives as they fought well to hold them off.

"Yes! Awesome, dude!" Eric cheered as he looked at me and then to the gate. "Take that, you asshole elves! Better luck next time!"

Eric then started doing a little dance as he continued shouting after the elves.

"Na, na, na, naaa, na! We still control the universe!" Eric chanted before he burst into laughter.

Clyde made his way out of the tent and came up to us. He looked serious as and his posture was uneasy. This was a red flag to me. Something must have happened and I was pretty sure that Eric would go ballistic when he figured it out. Eric finally noticed Clyde's presence and stopped his little jig.

"It's gone," Clyde said.

Yup, this was going to go south for Clyde quickly. The smile left Eric's face when Clyde said that.

"What?" Eric asked in disbelief.

"The Stick of Truth. The elves got it," Clyde replied.

There was silence as we stared at Clyde who shifted uncomfortably. How the hell did he lose the stick? We were holding off the majority of the elves out here. If any got by us, Clyde should have been able to handle them, right? What was he doing in the tent? Jacking it?

"That was your one Goddamn job, Clyde!" Eric yelled as he got in his face and gripped the front of his shirt. "To guard the Stick of fucking Truth!"

Jesus, if Eric got any madder, I think he would have a stroke. His face was red with rage as he shook Clyde. He let go of Clyde and walked away and took a deep breath to salvage whatever level of calmness that remained. He turned back to Clyde and gave him the harshest glare he could.

"Clyde, you are hereby banished from space and time!" Eric said as he walked back over to him.

"What? No!" Clyde protested. "You can't do that!"

"Yeah, I can! You're banished and lost in time and space!"

"Yeah! Go home, Clyde!" Butters chided in.

Clyde said nothing as he turned around and left through the gate that elves came through. When he left, Eric let out a sigh before turning to me.

"You fought bravely on the battlefield, Douchebag," Eric said as he nodded at me.

"Yeah, the New Kid may be a douchebag, but he sure can fight!" Scott added with a smile.

"Scott, shut up, nobody cares what you think. Anyway, we have a bigger problem now."

* * *

Eric led us back inside the tent and we stood before his throne. He climbed into his chair and pulled out a bag of chips that was resting by the side of it. He opened the bag and shoveled a handful of chips into his mouth.

"The Stick of Truth has been stolen and we must assemble our entire army to get it back," Eric said as he swallowed the mouthful of food.

"But our three best warriors still haven't reported for duty, my king!" Butters said.

"Our newest member can take care of that!"

Eric then turned his gaze to me.

"Douchebag, I want you to go out into the neighborhood and find my greatest warriors. Token, Tweek and Craig. I am texting you their pictures to your personal inventory device now," Eric said as he pulled out his iPhone.

Eric put his phone away and mine vibrated in my pocket. I pulled out my iPhone and looked at the photos that Eric sent me. After getting a good look at the three kids that Eric was going to send me to find, I tucked my phone away. Eric got off his chair and put a hand on my shoulder as he led me out of the tent.

"Beware. The lands outside are full of marauding Drow Elves, monsters, and sixth graders. Be sure to be well equipped," Eric said with a serious tone.

"What are you going to be doing?" I replied.

"I'll be keeping watch over the base with Scott. I'll send Butters with you to help."

"Okay, sounds like a plan."

"Now go! Send my warriors here!"

Eric gave me a slap on the shoulder and beckoned for Butters. Butters hurried over and Eric explained the situation to him to which Butters nodded with a smile. I was perfectly fine with Butters having my back as we searched for Token, Tweek and Craig. He and I made a good team during the fight and it would give me some time to learn more about the town.

"You ready to go, partner?" Butters asked me.

"Yeah, let's go," I replied as we walked out of the gate and to the sidewalk.

* * *

The two of us started walking west back towards my house. Butters said that Craig's house was the closest to where we were so we would go to him first. Tweek was going to be at his family's coffee shop, and Token's house was on the far north end of town. This was going to involve a lot of walking. As we walked, I pulled out my iPhone and went to Facebook when I saw some notifications. I pulled it up and saw two friend requests from Butters and Scott. I also saw a message that was from Clyde and frowned when I read it. Butters noticed my frown and looked concerned.

"What's wrong?" Butters asked.

I handed him my phone and he looked at the message that Clyde sent me. Butters read the message out loud and I shook my head when I heard it.

_**"Fuck you, New Kid! Things were fine until you showed up! I'll get you back for this, I swear!"**_ Butters said as he handed the phone back to me.

"I guess I have something to look forward to," I said as I put my phone away.

"Don't you feel scared with that threat?"

"Hey, if I was able to beat his ass in a fight, I don't think I have to worry about him."

"Well, I guess that's true, but, still."

I glanced at Butters from the corner of my eye. So far out of all the kids I met today, Butters was the one I liked the most. Scott was cool, but I did not get much of a chance to talk to him. Eric was a giant douche, and Clyde just professed his hate for me. Butters, however, seemed very timid and seemed to be like the kind of kid to please others to get some form of acknowledgment.

"Hey, Butters, can I ask you something?" I asked.

"Sure you can!" Butters replied with a smile.

"Do you always do what others tell you?"

Butters' smile was replaced with a frown. He said nothing as he rubbed his hands together.

"Y-yeah, I do," Butters replied. "If I don't, I usually get grounded."

"Your parents ground you when you don't do something?" I replied.

"I'm usually lucky if I don't get grounded more than five times a week."

"What are your parents like?"

"Very… uh."

Butters was hesitant to say anything. I realized we were standing outside Butters' house since mine was right next door. The door to his house opened and a man stepped out. The man was wearing green shirt, blue pants and a grey tie. He grabbed the paper off the doorstep and looked up at me and Butters.

"Oh, you must be the new kid!" The man greeted. "Butters, you make sure you show that new kid around!"

"Y-yes, sir!" Butters stammered out.

The man closed the door as he went back inside. Now that I had gotten a look at Butters' father, I was curious to know more about his mother and their behavior towards Butters. I saw how easily Butters seemed to obey the command of his father and how weak he sounded when he agreed to do what he told him. My iPhone vibrated in my pocket again and I pulled up Facebook to see a friend request and a message from the man I just saw. Stephen Stotch was his name. I accepted the friend request. Not because I wanted to, but because I wanted to learn more about Butters' parents to get a feel for how they treat him. I then read the message and frowned again, quickly forming my opinion of Stephen when I read it.

_**"I'm sorry for Butters. Just in general,"**_ was what I read.

Wanting to help Butters out, I decided to reply back to the message. Butters saw me typing at my phone and peered over my shoulder and his eyes grew wide.

"W-what are you doing?" Butters asked frantically.

"I'm just replying to your dad," I replied as I finished typing the message.

"You're going to send him that? Are you crazy?"

"I'm not afraid of your dad, Butters. He has no power over me. Only my parents do."

Butters said nothing as he looked back down at what I typed. I looked at the message one more time to see if I was what I wanted to say.

_**"With all due respect, Stephen, your son is cool with me. There's nothing wrong with him and quite frankly, for a father to say something like that just shows how much of a shitty parent you are. I can't say the same for your wife because I have yet to meet her, but something tells me that if you are able to do this to Butters, either she is the same as you or she doesn't have the guts to tell you to suck a dick."**_

I nodded and hit the send button. Now all I had to do was play the waiting game, but I knew this conversation would most likely escalate and then get carried over to my parents. I would worry about that later, but I was not afraid to get punished for doing the right thing by helping Butters. Tucking my phone away, I looked at Butters with a smirk.

"What do you say, Butters the Merciful?" I asked.

"Huh?" Butters replied.

"You ready to go find the rest of the gang?"

"You know it!"

"All right, buddy. Let's go!"

"Right behind you!"

With that, we hurried down the road to Craig's house to make up for lost time. We still had hours before sunset and I was going to make the most of it.

* * *

**That's the chapter everybody. I hope you all enjoyed it and I hope you all like how I am developing the characters. I think out of all the characters I will develop in the story the most, it will be Butters. Remember, keep in mind that everything Johnny aka "New Kid" says or does in the story is what I actually thought and said while playing the game and would most likely do in real life. Everything that Johnny does in the story is the choices I made in the game as well. That being said, check below for some statements I want to make and I will see you all next time.-Captain**

**Statement(s):**

**1.) I know warriors can't dual wield weapons in the game, but I wanted to do my own spin on it. Plus it made more sense as in the game, your inventory allows you to carry unlimited things that cannot be carried in actuality.**


	3. Hot Coffee

**Hey everyone, I'm back with a quick update here before I head off to do one of my two back to back FTXs. Thanks a bunch for the support and reviews, everybody, I really appreciate it. Now let's get to the chapter. Stay tuned at the end of the chapter to see my answers to some reviews from the last chapter.**

**Disclaimer: I don't own South Park as it belongs to Trey Parker and Matt Stone. I do own the OC "Johnny Earnhardt" in the story.**

**Bold- PA system/Message Bulletins/**

_**Bold Italic- Radio/TV/Facebook/Twitter**_

_Italics-Thoughts/Letters/Flashbacks_

* * *

Butters and I came to a stop outside a two-story house. Once we caught our breath, we walked up to the front door. My knuckles rapped on the door and I stood back as it opened. A middle-aged man with red hair that was balding opened the door and looked down at us.

"Yes?" The man asked.

"Mr. Tucker, is Craig here?" Butters asked.

"No, he's not. He got detention and is at the school."

"Oh, okay. Thank you."

Mr. Tucker closed the door and I pinched the bridge of my nose in frustration. Goddamn-it, why do I get the feeling I'm going to go hunt his ass down later? Taking a deep breath I turned back to Butters and pulled up my phone again to see which of the other two guys were left to find. The first one that caught my eye was the one with blonde hair. I turned my phone to Butters and he nodded.

"Yeah, that's Tweek," Butters said as I put my phone away. "He's probably at his family's coffee shop now."

"Okay, let's go," I said as I began to walk down the road.

"Hey, wait! Let's just go to the bus stop, it'll be quicker instead of walking!"

Turning to Butters I saw him pointing to the bus stop just a few feet away. I gave a shrug and followed him to the bus stop and sat on the curb as we waited for it. As we waited for the bus I felt my phone vibrate and pulled it out to see a Facebook message. It was from Butters' dad. My eyes went back and forth across the screen as I read the message and a smirk came to my face.

_**"You can't talk to me like that, kid! Here I am trying to give you a heads up and you say something like that? I'm going to have a chat with your parents about this!"**_

My fingers started to type away my response. This was getting fun and I was starting to hope I could carry this conversation on longer and troll him more. Butters looked at the message and his face went even paler than it was.

"Aren't you going to get grounded by your parents?" Butters asked me.

"I have no idea," I replied with a shrug. "I will explain my reasoning to my parents, but I think I can get off with it."

I finished typing the message and a smirk came to my face. I was going to call Stephen's bluff and hit him with a taunt of my own.

_**"Why can't I talk to you like that, because you're an adult? I could care less. Like I said earlier, nothing is wrong with your son. You're a shitty parent and I stand by my opinion. You're going to tell my parents about this? Oh shit, I'm shaking in my boots! If you're going to tell them, find your balls and put your money where your mouth is and do it! They're right next door, tough guy!"**_

I sent the message after showing it to Butters who had his face buried in his hands. I gave him a pat on the back and stood up as I saw a bus come around the corner. Butters stood up and got on the bus when the doors opened. I followed close behind and sat beside him as the bus started moving to the downtown area. As I looked out the window I started to make a mental map of the roads leading around the town so I could tell where everything was located. My memory was easily one of the most powerful aspects of my brain according to doctors when I did tests, but at the same time it bugged me. I knew my memory was great, but I could not help but feel that there was a large gap in my memory somewhere.

What the hell am I forgetting? Now that I think about it, I can't seem to remember anything from the past few months. It's as if everything was just a blur. I was so absorbed in my thoughts that I did not notice Butters poking my shoulder.

"Hey, we're here," Butters said as he got up and pulled down on the line.

* * *

There was a chime as the bus notified the stop. I got up and stood beside Butters and gripped the pole as the bus came to a stop. Looking out the window I saw a small coffee shop with some people sitting inside and enjoying their Sunday morning. The doors to the bus opened and I followed Butters off and to the front of the store.

I pulled the door opened and heard some relaxing music playing overhead. My eyes spotted a man standing behind the counter and I walked up to it. If this shop belonged to Tweek's family then the man was probably his father. I walked up to the man and he looked down at me and gave a friendly smile.

"Welcome to Tweek Coffee. Coffee made with ingredients supplied by local organic suppliers. It's local coffee. Brewed locally," Mr. Tweek greeted.

Quite the welcome greeting. I showed Mr. Tweak the picture of his son and he looked back up at me. Getting the message, he glanced at a door at the other end of the counter.

"Tweek?" Mr. Tweek called out.

I heard a surprised cry come from behind the door and raised a brow. Jumpy much?

"Have you picked up the fresh local ingredients?" Mr. Tweek asked.

"Argh, not yet, Dad! I'm still trying to do all my chores!" Tweek shouted back.

"Well hurry up, son, the family business is relying on you!"

Another anxious cry came from the door and I had to stifle a laugh. This kid was going to be very entertaining with his sporadic outburst. I turned to Butters and nodded at the door that led to the back room where Tweek was working. He followed close behind me and closed the door behind us when we entered.

The room was filled with crates, barrels and boxes. There was a small table with a coffee machine on it and a fresh cup was being made. I caught wild movement from behind one of the crates and saw a few stands of messy blonde hair. The blonde haired boy stumbled over the crate and a loud crash filled the room. I got a good look at the boy as he stood up and brushed off whatever dust gathered on his clothes. He was wearing blue jeans, and his olive button up shirt was incorrectly buttoned, revealing part of his stomach. What was even more amusing was the constant twitch he seemed to have. I guess I see why everyone called him Tweek.

"Argh! How am I supposed to do all of this? There's no way, man! Starbucks has like eight employees! Here it's just me!" Tweek ranted as he picked up the broom he dropped a second ago.

Jesus, this guy was either on speed or caffeinated beyond belief. He was fast, twitching and did not appear to take pressure too well. I was about to open my mouth to talk, but he quickly dropped his broom and made a dash for the table and grabbed his cup of coffee.

"Coffee! I need more coffee, argh!" Tweek said as he took a sip from the steaming cup.

Yeah, this guy was wound tighter than a freaking spring. I walked over to Tweek and pulled out the paper that Eric gave me earlier. Tweek looked at me, a little confused until he saw the paper and took it. As he read the paper he started to twitch again.

"What's this?" Tweek asked as his voice sped up. "Now? The guys need me now? Oh, there's no way, man!"

"Dude, calm down and take a deep breath. You're going to give yourself a heart attack," I said.

"I have way too much to do!"

Tweek then grabbed me by the front of the shirt and caught me by surprise. From what I could remember in the past when a kid grabbed me by the front of my shirt, I retaliated in defense.

"How am I supposed to do all this?" Tweek screamed at me.

My ears rang as he screamed and my face scrunched up as I dealt with the discomfort. Good lord, this guy really needed to calm down. Tweek's face suddenly relaxed as he looked at me and then released his grip. His fingers tapped his chin as he looked at me.

"Can you go get the four o'clock delivery for me?" Tweek asked.

Damn-it, am I getting stuck with all the bitch work today? This really blows.

"If you do, I can finish here and then I'll still have time to play!" Tweek continued.

Not seeing any other choice I nodded. Tweek turned to the table and grabbed a closed envelope before giving it to me. I tucked the letter inside my shirt to keep track of it.

"The delivery is at Kenny's house. If you show them that letter, they'll give you the delivery," Tweek said as he picked up the broom.

Tweek continued his sweeping and I turned back to Butters. As we walked out of the back room, Butters told me that Kenny's house was on the southeast part of town. I rubbed my eyes as we stepped outside and stood beside the bus stop. This was going to take a while and I was not looking forward to it. I glanced at my watch and sighed. The bus would not be here for another three minutes.

* * *

"Hey, Johnny," Butters said.

"Yeah?" I replied as I glanced back at him.

"Why are you helping me?"

"What do you mean?"

"Why are you helping me with my parents?"

I blinked as Butters asked me that and crossed my arms. I did not get much time to explain why I was doing this for Butters because his dad interrupted us. My whole goal with this was not to make people be nice to him, but more so try to get him to stand up for himself. It would be good for his self-esteem and it would easily lessen the teasing he would get.

"Look, Butters, from what you've told me so far, it seems to me that you don't have the courage to stand up to those that shit on you constantly," I said.

"W-well, it's just, they're my friends. And I can't stand up to my parents or else I'll get grounded," Butters replied.

"That's what I'm talking about right there. Butters, your parents are too controlling. Tell them to fuck off and call their bluff. I'm willing to bet that if you stand up to them more frequently they will not ground you as much because they will know you have a backbone and are not wrapped around their fingers anymore."

"Well, I guess I could try."

"Now on that note about your friends. Sure, friends screw with each other, but what you've been subject to so far tells me that they're taking advantage of you because you don't stand up against them. Do that and I'm sure they won't mess with you as much."

Butters said nothing and looked down at the ground, lost in thought. I felt a little guilty for being blunt with my delivery, but I knew it was what he had to hear in order to start taking the necessary steps to gaining some form of control. Butters sniffed as he wiped a tear from his eye. I gave him a pat on the shoulder and a smile.

"Come on, bro. I'm your buddy and I've got your back to help you," I said.

"Thanks," Butters said as he wiped his eyes again and smiled.

The bus finally pulled up and the doors opened to let us on. We walked to the center where there was an open seat and sat down. I took the window seat and looked outside as the bus started moving east. From what Butters told me, Kenny's house was about five minutes away which was quick, but I wished it could be quicker. To kill some time, I decided to talk to Butters some more.

"So, Butters, do you have a girl that you like?" I asked.

"W-what?" Butters stammered as he looked at me.

"Come on, buddy. You have to have a girl you like, right?"

Butters' face turned red for a moment before he looked away. I smirked as I gained some teasing material and crossed my arms as I looked at him. He shifted under my gaze and finally looked back at me and nodded. I clapped him on the shoulder.

"Well, there you go!" I said. "What does she look like?"

Butters pulled out his phone and went to Facebook. When he finished finding the girl's profile, he showed me the phone. I had to admit, the girl was pretty cute. She had long, dark brown hair that was styled in a side part with bangs being held up by a headband. He pulled the phone away and looked at the picture of the girl one more time before tucking it back in his pocket.

"What's her name?" I asked.

"Her name is Lola," Butters replied.

"Have you tried talking to her?"

"Y-yeah, but I get all tongue-tied."

"Aw, come on! Dude, it's not that hard. Just ask if she wants to go see a movie or something."

Butters said nothing as he fidgeted with his hands. I sighed and pinched my nose again. I would have to work overtime with Butters to get his confidence up, but I was more than willing to do that. Butters' head perked up and his hand pulled down on the line to signal for the bus to stop.

* * *

We got up and exited the bus once the doors opened. We were now standing outside an old house that was very rundown. The house was damaged and there was an old rusted truck sitting on the front lawn. Kenny lived here? Poor guy. Butters and I walked up to the front door of the house and I knocked. A woman with red hair answered moments later and I pulled out the letter that Tweek gave me. I handed her the envelope and she opened it to pull out a small note.

"Oh, this isn't for me. This is for the nice people who are renting the guest house in the back," the woman said as she pulled out a key.

She gave me the key and handed the note back to me before closing the door. I craned my neck to search for the guest house, but the only thing I could see was the garage. Putting two and two together, I walked over to the garage and inserted the key into the door. There was a click as the door unlocked and I pulled up, opening the garage. There was a door in the back right corner of the garage and I walked over to it.

When Butters and I entered the next room, our nostrils were met with an unusual smell. Looking around I could see vials and beakers filled with God knows what. There were burners on underneath some of the beakers. I saw three adults in the room. Each of them appeared to be drug addicted hobo.

"Uh, these witch doctors must be cooking up a secret potion. I wonder if it's a healing potion," Butters said as he looked at the vials.

"Butters, I think we may have just stumbled into something very illegal," I replied.

"What?"

"Just be cool and follow my lead."

Butters nodded at my reply and I saw his hands grip his hammer tightly. Turning to the three hobos that were now looking at us with suspicion I pulled out the paper Tweek gave me and cleared my throat.

"Do you have a package for Tweek Coffee?" I asked.

"Yeah, yeah. We got the package for Tweek Coffee. You got the envelope?" The first hobo asked.

I stepped to the hobo and handed him the letter that Mr. Tweak gave me. The hobo took the envelope, but kept his eyes fixated on me. I was on edge and getting ready to do whatever it took to get out of this situation in one piece. The hobo looked at the note and then back to me and Butters.

"Hey, wait a minute! This kid isn't the same one who gets the deliveries!" One shouted.

"What?" The other asked as he looked up from the note at me again. "Oh shit, it's a cop!"

The hobos all grabbed the closest thing they could find to use as a weapon. I pulled out my wooden blade and got beside Butters who held is hammer tightly.

"Butters, you get the guy on the right, I'll take on the other two," I said.

"Okay then," Butters replied with a nod.

My hand reached for my bat that I had strapped to my back. I pulled out my bat and tapped it against my blade and waited for the hobos to make their first move. It did not take long for me to get my wish. One hobo jumped at me and I gave a quick swing with my bat, but the hobo deflected it with the crowbar he was holding. The second hobo lunged at me and brought down a beer bottle. Tiny lights burst in front of my eyes as I tried to block the attack as best as I could, only for it to smash on my head. The glass shattered and I had to fight through the dazzling hit.

My adrenaline kicked in and I gave a quick slash with my sword. There was a whoosh as it cut through the air and struck the hobo that hit me in the arm. The hobo gave a surprised yelp as I hit him and I gave another strike, this time with my bat. The bat smashed into the hobo's back and he collapsed to the floor in a heap. I went in for another hit, but the other hobo intercepted my attack by holding it in place.

While I was dealing with my own problems, Butters was on the defensive against the other hobo. Butters ducked under the hobo and turned around with a hard swing. His hammer smashed into the hobo's back and he collapsed to his knees. Butters then rose his hammer up high and to my bewilderment, lightning began to strike the hammer. Maybe I was just seeing things from that hit I took to the head seconds ago.

"Feel my righteous fury!" Butters said as he brought his hammer forth and launched the lightning on the hobo.

The hobo's body went rigid as the lightning pulsed through it and he fell to the floor in a daze. Butters looked a little guilty with the pain he inflicted on the hobo, but that went away when he saw me struggling with the last one.

I crossed my bat and sword over my head to block a strike that came from above, but I was struggling to hold it back. In truth, I was surprised I even deflected the attack in the first place. Out of the corner of my eye, I saw Butters loosen his grip on his hammer and hold it near the end. What the hell was he doing? I could use some help here man! Butters closed his eyes and began spinning in place. Was he doing some sort of ability that he made up?

"By the Hammer of Butters!" Butters shouted as he gave one final spin.

To my surprise and horror, he released his grip of the hammer and it flew towards me and the hobo. Wham! The head of the hammer hit the hobo upside the head and he went stiff as he fell back, hit his head again on the table and then hit the ground out cold. I blinked and turned to look at Butters who was rubbing his hands nervously.

"I was just seeing if it works," Butters said.

"Dude, that was awesome!" I replied.

"Really?"

"Just don't do it when I'm in front of you."

Butters smiled and hurried over to his hammer that rested at the unconscious hobo's feet. He picked it up and tucked it back into his belt. I tucked my weapons away and started looking around the room for the special ingredients that was ready for Tweek. Behind the tables and burners I saw a small box. I climbed over the table and opened the box to see a bag labeled Tweek. I tucked the ingredients into my pocket and looked back at Butters.

"Let's get out of here before these meth heads wake up," I said.

"Good idea," Butters replied. "I hope we didn't hurt them too bad."

"Dude, fuck them! Did you see that guy smash that bottle on my head?"

"Oh, yeah. Actually you're bleeding a little."

My hand reached up as I felt something trickling down my forehead. I brought it back and saw fresh blood on my fingertips and I reached up to the top of my head. My fingers felt a shard of glass lodged inside. This was going to hurt. Pinching the shard I slowly pulled the glass out wincing in pain. The glass came free and I dropped it to the floor. I swore under my breath and walked to the door.

"Let's get the hell out of here," I muttered as I opened the door.

"Right behind you, boss!" Butters replied hurrying after me.

* * *

We arrived back at the coffee shop about ten minutes after leaving Kenny's place. Butters and I walked to the backroom and entered to give the stuff to Tweek. Tweek and his father were in the room moving boxes around, but Tweek stopped and hurried over to me when Butters and I entered.

"You did it! You got the pick up?" Tweek said.

"Yeah, here it is. You owe me money for the stitches I'm going to need!" I replied as I tossed him the bag.

"Oh thanks, man!"

Tweek turned back to his dad after I gave him the bag.

"Dad, I finished my work. Can I go play?" Tweek said.

"Where's today's delivery?" Mr. Tweek asked.

"Right here!"

Tweek handed his father the bag. Mr. Tweak took the bag and stuck his finger inside and then placed it in his mouth. He smacked his lips and gave a satisfied nod.

"Yup, that's good shit!" Mr. Tweek said as he set the bag on the table. "All right, Tweek, you can play for a little bit. But be home before it gets dark or you'll be grounded."

Mr. Tweek went back to stacking boxes and Tweek turned to face me.

"Thanks, kid. I gotta go get changed and then I'll meet you at the kingdom!" Tweek said.

Tweek bolted out of the room leaving me and Butters behind. That was two taken care of. The only one we needed to get now was Token. Butters looked at my phone as I brought up Token's photo and he nodded.

"Yeah, I know where he lives. Follow me," Butters said as we walked out of the shop.

* * *

**That's the chapter everybody, I hope you all enjoyed it and the development I'm trying to give Butters here. I will try to update again soon with the next chapter being Johnny and Butters rounding up Token and returning to Kupa Keep. Stay tuned for the statement/answers to reviews below **

**Statements/Answers:**

**nightmaster000: Pretty good story. I'm curious will there be any romance. That's something I kind of wish they added to the game. Possible romance options with some of the girl's.**

**Answer: I thought about romance, but was not planning on it. If I did include romance, which girl would people recommend Johnny be paired with?**

**Guest: If you're including side quests, i would strongly recommend the manbearpig, the summons, and quests from playable characters.  
Also, add the scenes from buddy commands and taking out opponents without battling. ex: Player commands Stan to have his dog pee on the floor so a zombie can be electrified.**

**Answer: As I said, I will be doing all the things I did in the game, with the exception of some of the quests. I did all the side quests and summon quests outside of Mr. Hankey because I never explored the sewers. On that note, I will be mindful of the interactive things outside of battle as I played the game.**


	4. Mall Cop Brutality

**Hey everybody, just giving you the next update for the story here. I must say thank you for all the support and your reviews, it means a lot to me. Now I apologize if this chapter is short, but I just got back after doing my second FTX for the second weekend in a row and I'm exhausted. I promise the next chapter will be longer. So, although this one is short, I hope you all enjoy it, so let's get to the chapter and see what faces Johnny and Butters.**

**Disclaimer: I don't own South Park as it belongs to Trey Parker and Matt Stone. I do own the OC "Johnny Earnhardt" in the story.**

**Bold- PA system/Message Bulletins/**

_**Bold Italic- Radio/TV/Facebook/Twitter**_

_Italics-Thoughts/Letters/Flashbacks_

* * *

Butters and I had been walking down the sidewalk for the past five minutes all the while I was making a mental map of South Park. We finally came to a large house, most likely the biggest house in the town. The house was two stories tall and looked like a small mansion. The yard was surrounded by a large stone wall and the driveway was blocked by a large iron gate. In front of the gate was a lone security guard who was balding and appeared out of shape.

"Let's go, Butters," I said as I walked to the gate.

We stopped in front of the gate and looked at the guard.

"Excuse me, we need to get in to see our friend," Butters said as he looked at the guard.

"Move along, Sir," the guard replied. "These people don't want to see you."

Although every fiber in my being was screaming not to do what I was thinking, I decided to go through with it. I've done bitch work all day and I'll be damned if some Paul Blart reject denied me entry. Fuck this clown, seriously. I started to duck under the gate, but felt a firm grip on the back of my shirt. Shit, for an out of shape guy, he had a good grip. I was pushed back and opened my mouth to protest, but something sprayed me in the face. It took a moment for me to register what happened, but the next thing I knew, my eyes and face were burning like a motherfucker. I fell to my knees and held my eyes as the burning worsened.

"Jesus titty-fucking Christ that burns!" I yelled.

"If you try that again, I will pepper spray you back to the stone age," the guard said.

Butters pulled me to my feet and led me away as I was trying to open my eyes.

"Well that didn't work," Butters said as he scratched his head.

"Do you know anything that can help us get past Officer Dipshit there?" I replied.

"Well, I can think of one guy that might be able to help us."

* * *

Butters led me away from the gate and down the sidewalk again. After a couple of minutes, my eyes flushed out most of the pepper spray. Blinking a few times, I looked up and saw a shop titled "Jimbo's Guns". A gun store? While guns would easily beat pepper spray, we were too young to buy one. Butters opened the door and entered and I followed close behind. I took a look around the store and whistled as a large grin came to my face. This was redneck heaven. When I came of age, I would be busy buying some new toys for some fun.

"Welcome to Jimbo's Guns!" A man wearing a tactical vest greeted.

"Hey Jimbo!" Butters replied.

"Butters, what can I do for you?"

"Well, I'm not the one buying today. My new friend is."

Jimbo turned to me and I walked up to him. He held out his hand and I shook it introducing myself.

"Ah, you must be that new kid who moved here," Jimbo said as he leaned on the counter.

"That's right, Sir," I replied.

"What can I do for you?"

"I need something that can protect my face from harmful substances."

Jimbo looked at me and laughed. He stopped laughing when I did not join in.

"Oh, you're serious?" Jimbo said as he cupped his chin.

"Yeah, do you have anything?" I replied.

"The best thing I got is a gas mask."

Jimbo turned to a one armed man that entered from the backroom. The one armed man was wearing glasses, and had a voice box in his remaining hand. I was curious about what happened to him to make him like that, but decided to find out later.

"Hey, Ned, can you get me a gas mask for our newest customer?" Jimbo asked.

Ned brought up his voice box and gave a yes before going to the backroom and returning moments later with a black mask.

"That'll be five bucks, kid," Jimbo said.

_"Well, there goes Mom's money,"_ I mused as I handed Jimbo the money.

"Pleasure doing business with you. By the way, what exactly are you using this mask for again?"

"I'm making meth."

Jimbo and New blinked and shook their heads as they registered the words I said. They looked at me in disbelief and I smirked.

"I'm bullshitting you, dude. I need it to protect myself from pepper spray," I said.

Ned and Jimbo relaxed and laughed after I said that.

"You're all right, kid. Feel free to drop by anytime. I may have a job for you," Jimbo said.

"Sounds good, Jimbo. Thanks for the mask!" I answered.

"No problem. Come again!"

I clipped the main strap of the mask to my belt and looked at Butters with a smirk. He, too, smirked back. He and I were thinking the same thing. It was time for payback. We waved goodbye to Jimbo and New and hurried out of the shop and back to Token's house.

* * *

It did not take too long to get back to Token's place. We stopped outside the gate and hid from the guard in a bush. I pulled the gas mask over my face and cleared it. I turned to Butters and explained the plan of attack. I would distract the guard and then Butters would jump him to give us the advantage. Butters seemed hesitant to agree, but I could not blame him. We were about to commit a few felonies, but if we acted quickly, we could get by without any problems.

I gave Butters a pat on the shoulder and ran to the gate. My eyes caught sight of the guard running from my blind spot. Here we go. Just like earlier, the guard grabbed my shoulder and spun me around. The smirk on my face grew as the guard held the pepper spray and a hiss came. The substance hit the plastic lens and shielded me. I almost laughed when the guard's face became one of surprise.

"What the fuck?" The guard shouted.

"Surprise, dipshit!" I replied.

Butters dashed out of the bush and slammed his hammer into the guard's back. The guard fell to his knees and I made my move. I pulled out my wood sword and swung as hard as I could. There was a loud clunk as the wood hit the guard's shoulder.

"You little punks!" The guard sneered.

He bolted to his feet and pulled out a nightstick. He swung at me and I jumped back and pulled my bat free from my back. Butters charged at the guard and swung, but this time he was ready. The guard sidestepped Butters and swung his nightstick. Butters' reflexes kicked in and he raised his hammer to block the hit. The guard hit Butters' hammer so hard I flew from his hand and landed a few feet away. While butters blocked most of the hit, the caught the tail end of the nightstick and fell to the sidewalk in a daze.

I jumped at the guard and brought both my bat and blade down on his back in a crushing strike. The guard stumbled over Butters and quickly wheeled around to face me. He looked livid. He charged at me and I found myself on the defensive. Each strike he gave I would dodge, block, parry and deflect. Finally the guard brought his stick down towards my head. I raised my sword to block, but by this time, the durability was gone. There was a snap as my sword broke in half. Damn-it! The guard kicked at me and I felt the air leave my lungs. My chest ached from the hit and in the back of my head I knew it would be badly bruised. I was on a knee as I looked up at the guard who towered over me. He was about to swing his nightstick, but I heard Butters' voice.

"By the hammer of Butters!"

The guard went rigid as Butters' hammer struck his back. He dropped his nightstick and I caught it in my free hand. I stood up as the guard fell to eye level with me. The guard looked through the eyes of my mask and a twisted grin came to my face as I took it off. Sweat trickled down my face after it had warmed up from being trapped under the mask. I twirled my newly acquired nightstick in my hand and gripped it tightly.

"Get the fuck out of here with that weak shit!" I said.

I thrust my bat forward and knocked the wind out of the guard as it hit his chest. The guard doubled over, and looked up at me only to be met with a hit to the head with the nightstick. The guard hit the ground and gingerly raised his hand and pointed at the gate.

"Move along, Sir," the guard said before blacking out.

I relaxed my stance and let my bat and nightstick hang loosely in my hands. Butters staggered over to me, obviously still dazed from the hard hit. He stopped beside me and blinked a few times as he tried to recuperate. Poor guy probably has a concussion now from that last hit. I twirled my weapons and put them away. I tucked the nightstick into my belt and the bat into the strap on my back.

"You okay, man?" I asked as I put a hand on Butters' back.

"I'm feeling woozy," Butters slurred.

"Yeah, I figured. Just hold on, buddy. I'll get you back to Eric's place when we finish here."

"Okay."

I wrapped an arm around Butters' back and gripped his arm with my other as I helped guide him to the front of Token's house. We reached the doorstep and Butters pressed the button. A chime met my ears as the doorbell rang. The door opened seconds later and revealed the kid I was looking for. Token was wearing a purple shirt with a T on the front and black pants.

"Yes?" Token asked.

I struggled for a moment to pull out the letter that I showed Tweek earlier and handed it to Token. Token took the letter and I watched as his eyes shifted back and forth.

"Oh, the elves took the stick again?" Token asked.

I nodded as I adjusted Butters again.

"Hang on a sec," Token said as he closed the door.

He returned a minute later wearing a makeshift costume.

"Thank you for thy message, traveler. I shall make haste to Kupa Keep!" Token said before turning to look down the hall. "Mom, can you drive me to Eric's house?"

* * *

Token closed the door behind him and I shook my head. Come on man, you have two legs that aren't broke, you can walk with us. I turned around and guided Butters' down the pathway. He was dragging his feet as he struggled to recover from the splitting headache he was experiencing.

"Let's get you back to Kupa Keep, dude," I said as I turned and walked in the direction of the southern houses.

"That sounds great," Butters said as he rubbed his head.

"Hey, thanks for the help back there. If you didn't throw that hammer at him, we'd both be fucked."

"It's okay. I got your back, yo."

I came to a stop and took my hand of Butters' arm and held it up as a fist. Butters looked at the first and then up at me. I nodded at him and he raised his free hand with some difficulty before bumping his fist against mine. I started walking again and Butters was doing his best to make my job easier. Now that we rounded up the rest of the crew, it was time to return to Eric and start the next phase of his plan.

* * *

**That's the chapter everybody, I hope you all enjoyed it despite the shortness. I will try to update as soon as I can, so just sit tight and keep your eyes peeled. Stay tuned below for statements and answers to some reviews.**

**Statements:**

**1.) Now, I have no clue how much pepper spray burns as I have not been hit with it, but I have been through CS gas chambers which burns something good. **

**2.) I'm still open to suggestions about which girl Johnny should have a relationship with. Annie seems to be the most popular choice so far.**

**Answers to reviews:**

**DMC7500: Hey, this is going great! One quick question, will you be joining the Elves or Cartman? Or, will you post for both?**

**Answer: Like I said, I'm doing what I did for the game, so just stay posted. I will probably alter some of the stuff Johnny will do because it is what I actually hoped I could.**

**xandermartin98: This is sort of a retelling of the game's story, right?**

**Answer: Yes. I stated that's what it was when I wrote the first author's note in the first chapter.**

**bigmike33321: Are you gonna include Butters Prof. Chaos form? And the, uh, sex sene?**

**Answer: Just like I said above. It's just like the game, so yes to both.**


	5. Damsel in Distress

**Hey everybody, I'm back with an update. Thanks again for the reviews and the hits you've been giving it, it means a lot. Now this chapter is longer than the last one, albeit shorter than chapters for my other stories, but the next one for sure will be long. Now I hope you all enjoy it. Stay tuned for statements and answers to some questions from reviews.**

**Disclaimer: I don't own South Park as it belongs to Trey Parker and Matt Stone. I do own the OC "Johnny Earnhardt" in the story.**

**Bold- PA system/Message Bulletins/**

_**Bold Italic- Radio/TV/Facebook/Twitter**_

_Italics-Thoughts/Letters/Flashbacks_

* * *

We managed to get back to Eric's house fairly quick after I flagged down a bus to get us there. I ended up turning the heads of some of the passengers when I hauled Butters onto the bus and to an open seat. They dismissed the sight after I waved them off saying that he was just sick and I was helping him. That was somewhat true since Butters was not able to stand on his own after being concussed by the security guard a while back. I opened the door to Eric's house and dragged Butters to the kitchen and set him on the chair just as Ms. Cartman came inside. A look of concern came to her face as she saw Butters.

"Oh, goodness, what happened?" Ms. Cartman asked.

"I think he has a concussion. Do you have any Aleve or Vicodin?" I replied.

"Yes, I have some in the cabinet."

Ms. Cartman walked to the cabinets and grabbed a glass as well as a bottle of pills. She opened the bottle tapped two pills out after filling up the glass with water and came back to the table. She set the water and painkiller in front of Butters who gave a gurgled thanks as he quickly popped the pills in his mouth and chugged them down with water.

"There you go," I said as I pat his shoulder. "Chill in here for a sec while I check in with Eric."

"Okay," Butters replied as he rubbed his forehead.

I walked out of the kitchen and into the backyard to see Token and Tweek entering through the gate. My feet carried me over to the cardboard fort where Eric was standing. He turned around and smiled when he saw me return.

"Ah, Douchebag, you're back!" Eric greeted.

"Yeah, I got them for you," I replied.

"Good, now we can…"

Eric stopped mid sentence as he did a quick headcount of his crew and crossed his arms. He turned back to me with an expectant look.

"Where's Butters?" Eric asked.

"He's inside. We got into a fight with a security guard and he got hit in the head with a nightstick," I replied.

"And Feldspar? Where's my level twelve thief?"

"Craig's in detention," Token answered for me.

"What?" Eric replied.

"He flipped off the principal, so he's in detention again," Tweek answered with a twitch.

"Oh my God…"

Eric turned around and cupped his chin. He must have been thinking about his next plan of action.

"If they've locked away our thief in detention we have no hope of getting back the Stick of Truth," Eric said as he turned to face us again. "We have to break him out."

"Argh! No way, man! Last time we broke Craig out of detention we all got in trouble!" Tweek replied.

"Getting into trouble is a risk Douchebag is willing to take!"

What? Fuck no, I wasn't. I'd be starting school with these guys tomorrow and I'd rather start off on a clean state rather than tarnishing it right off the bat. I looked at Eric and shook my head at his plan. There was no way in hell I was getting into trouble for breaking some guy out of detention who went full retard to get himself into it in the first place. The only way this was happening was if we were all going to share the punishment. I wasn't going to do this alone.

"You have to break out our thief, Douchebag," Eric said as he walked up to me.

"Hah, fuck no I'm not!" I replied.

"What?"

"I'm not going in there alone. If I'm doing this, all of you jokers are coming with me."

"I'm the Grand Wizard and that was an order!"

"And you can check my IDGARA. All of you shitbags are coming with me or I'm not going."

Eric's face scrunched up in anger as he got in my face. I was ready to draw my weapons and beat him down, but something else happened. Eric smirked and then laughed as he looked around at the others and then back at me.

"Alright, Douchebag, you've got balls, so I'll humor you," Eric said. "I will not let you go unprepared. I am going to teach you how to use magic."

"Magic?" I asked as I crossed my arms. "That sounds contradictory to warriors."

"Not this magic. It's available for all of us, so come with me to the barracks. It's time for you to learn Dragonshout."

Dragonshout? What the fuck am I playing, Skyrim or DND? I shrugged as I let it wash over me and walked over to Eric who was standing by a cluster of dummies. When I reached Eric he turned to me and leaned on his staff.

"You fight well, Douchebag, but to truly succeed in combat you must learn to harness the power… of your farts," Eric said.

I blinked at Eric when he finished saying that. Did I seriously just hear that right? This was a bad joke, it had to be. I know I can produce rancid farts from personal experience, but how was he going to incorporate this into the game?

"This is a joke, right?" I asked.

"It is not a joke," Eric said as he shook his head. "Farting on an opponent at precisely the right time is key to battle. I shall show you it's done, but first, you must take the Gentleman's Oath."

"And what's the oath?"

"You must promise to never, ever fart on anyone's balls. Okay? Farting on an opponent is necessary, but farting on someone's balls is not cool."

Who the hell would fart on someone's balls? That's just freaking nasty. Christ, who was the sick bastard that tried that which required this rule to be made? Although I could not help but wonder what happened if you did fart on a man's balls. I mean, it's not like it would create a paradox or a nuclear explosion, right?

"Do you understand?" Eric asked.

"Yeah, yeah, I won't fart on anyone's dick and balls, got it," I said as I waved my hand for him to continue.

"All right, then let's begin your training."

Eric motioned for me to follow him to one of the practice dummies in front of us. He stepped away and turned around to face me again.

"To conjure Dragonshout, you must first clear your mind and take in a deep breath… through your butthole. Like so," Eric said.

Okay, this was starting to get weird, even for my level of twisted humor. I crossed my arms and smirked as I kept my eyes on Eric to see how he did this. He closed his eyes and his face scrunched up in concentration. This should be good. Deep down, part of me was hoping he would inadvertently shit his pants and that thought alone almost made my face split in two with a grin.

"Then let it rumble inside you and…" Eric said as he bent over, aiming his butt towards the dummy. "Dragonshout!"

A blast of air exited Eric's rectum and tore through the air as he broke wind. My eyes widened in disbelief as the sheer power of his flatulence made the dummy bend over backwards from the force. No fucking way. I burst into laughter and clutched my sides as I was proven wrong with what Eric showed me. I had to admit, that was the funniest thing I saw all day.

"Okay, now you try," Eric said as he moved out of the way and stood off to the side.

I did not believe I would be able to pull that off as well as Eric did, but did what he told me. I looked at the dummy for a moment and turned around, sparing Eric a glance. He nodded at me and I shrugged. Here goes nothing. I closed my eyes and emptied my mind of all thought as I concentrated. I felt my innards shift a bit as I took in a deep breath through my butt and channeled it. After I built up the power, I bent over and let it rip. Needless to say, my fart burst out of my ass at a speed I did not think possible and made the dummy blow back farther than when Eric did it. My triumph was shot lived as pain hit my butthole. I guess releasing a fart of that magnitude had its drawbacks, being an aching rectum. I blocked out the pain and turned around to face the dummy again.

"My god, that was incredible," Eric said as he crossed his arms. "A man could live a hundred years and never again witness a spell so boisterous."

_"You're telling me,"_ I thought as I subconsciously caressed my butt.

"Could it be that the prophecies are true? Could it be that the Dragonborn has come at last in our hour of need?"

After Eric finished speaking his thoughts, a smirk came to his face as he glanced over at his crew. He turned to me and said that it was now time to test my skill on a real opponent. I rolled my eyes and pinched the bridge of my nose. Which poor bastard was he going to have me test this on? My answer came in the form of Kenny as he came to stand in front of me. Eric asked me to show Kenny what I learned and I complied. I wasn't proud of it, but I was eager to see the effects of the fart on a live person. Kenny gagged as my fart hit him full force and swatted at the air as it hit him. Eric was holding his sides as he laughed at Kenny's reaction. He walked up to me after dismissing Kenny and a serious look came back to his face.

"Okay, but dude, seriously remember, don't ever do that on someone's balls," Eric said.

"All right, I get it already!" I replied as I rolled my eyes.

"Now, I'm sending Kenny and Token with you. I have to keep some of the group here to hold the base."

I guess that was the best I was going to get. Token and Kenny walked up to me when Eric called them over. He explained the situation to them and they both nodded after he told them they were going to assist me with busting Craig out of detention. Eric finished briefing them and walked over to Tweek who was jittery as hell to correct him on something.

"You two all set?" I asked.

"Yeah," Token nodded.

Kenny gave a muffled reply which I could only assume was a yes. I nodded and led them out of the backyard and through the kitchen, stopping momentarily to check up on Butters and say goodbye. He seemed to be doing a lot better as the Aleve kicked in to null the pain of his concussion. Butters bid us farewell as we left through the front door and told me he would catch up when he was feeling better.

* * *

Token and Kenny guided to the town's west side where the school was located. Not only would I get a chance to see the school I would be attending later, but it gave me a chance to see the rest of the town. As we walked down the streets, I learned a little more about my comrades.

Token was apparently the only minority in our class and was the richest kid in the town. He moved to South Park and was treated like crap because he was rich and when he arrived, a lot more African-Americans moved into town, but quickly left when the townspeople scared them off dressing up as the KKK which was actually a misunderstanding because they truly meant to dress up as ghosts. Talk about fucked up, right? Yet despite all of this, Token's family stayed.

Now Kenny was another odd one. I could barely understand what he was telling me because his parka covered his mouth, but from what I learned, he seemed like a cool guy. Although the one thing about him I was up in the air about was the little exception he told me about him dying over and over, only to wake up in his bed the next day and his friends have no recollection of him dying, even if they had seen him getting decapitated the day before. Now, I'm a guy that was great at keeping an open mind, but I felt that Kenny was pulling my leg on this one. How can someone die and keep coming back? I guess I would have to see it to believe it. Damn, that just sounded fucked up thinking about it.

The three of us were closing in on the school which was a couple blocks away. We were just outside the city hall and about to cross the street, but something caught my eye. There was a group of girls standing on the sidewalk leading to the front doors of city hall. My curiosity got the better of me and I stopped to take a look at what was going on. There were four girls in front of me. Three taller girls, possibly fifth or sixth graders and they were ganging up on a smaller girl with blonde hair. The blonde hair girl was being blocked by one of the girls she desperately tried to catch her doll back as they tossed it over her.

"Give it back!" The blonde girl pleaded.

"Why don't you make us?" One of the girls taunted back.

"That's my Justin Bieber toy!"

"Not anymore it's not!" Another girl retorted.

More bullies? Three on one for that matter. I decided to help the blonde girl out, although I could not help but gag at her choice of toy. A Justin Bieber doll? Putting that thought aside, I started walking up to the group of girls and pulled out my new nightstick that I jacked from the security guard.

"Aw, did little baby lose her toy?" One of the girls taunted.

I came to a stop and held the nightstick up against the girl's throat. She froze as she felt the cold stick touch her throat and she glanced back at me. She looked surprised, but it quickly turned to annoyance as she and her group glared at me.

"Who's this?" One of the girls asked.

"Don't worry about who I am," I replied. "Although, I would strongly advise you to hand that girl her doll back."

"Back off, kid. If you know what's good for you," another retorted.

"Look, my dad told me never to hit a girl, but I'm not afraid to if it's necessary."

"Is that a threat?"

"You tell me. Now, what's it going to be? I should warn you I'm already on a short fuse for doing a lot of bitch work today, so I have little patience right now."

The girl who was holding the doll chucked it to one of her friends, but it did not reach her. I jumped up and managed to catch the doll. I looked at the blonde girl and lightly tossed it to her and she quickly broke away from the group.

"Come here you little twerp!" The lead girl demanded.

Here we go. I glanced back at Kenny and Token who got the message and hurried over to my side to help me out. Thank god they were team players or I would be having a rough fight. We each chose a girl to hold off and got ready to fight. The lead girl with the hat lunged at me and I jumped back to put some distance between us. Token was fighting the girl with the grey hoodie and Kenny was battling against the girl in the blue jacket.

I decided to not use the bat for this small fight and went with the nightstick. I had to be careful where I hit the girl because I could seriously hurt her. The girl came at me with a punch and I parried it with the nightstick. I shifted my grip on it so the length of it went up my arm so I could give quick strikes. I watched her carefully as I got ready to defend myself again. She came at me with another punch. This time I ducked under it and charged her, bringing the length of the stick in with a quick jab. The hit got her in the ribs and she hunched over in pain. I gave another quick blow and hit her on the thigh before shoving her to the ground. She squirmed in pain as she dealt with it.

Token was currently in a deadlock with the girl he was fighting. Seeing the chance to strike, I bent low and charged at her. I slammed hard into her side, my shoulder burying itself in her ribs. She fell to the ground in a daze and I twirled the nightstick in my hand before lightly tapping her on the head with it. She gave a surprised yelp and held her head as the headache started to come. With two down, Token and I turned to see how Kenny was doing. Kenny had been dodging the girl's hits left and right.

"Token, go guard that girl. I'll help Kenny," I said.

"Right," Token replied as he hurried over to the blonde girl.

I hurried over to Kenny and gave a sharp whistle. The girl turned to face me and glared. If looks could kill, I would be one dead mother fucker right now. She was no doubt pissed that I took out her friends, so now she was going to use all of her channeled rage on me. She gave a loud scream and charged at me. Damn, she was fast. I barely managed to block her with my nightstick as she came at me with a wild haymaker. She swung at me again, this time she managed to score a punch on my cheek. I stumbled as tiny lights burst in front of my eyes and I quickly raised my nightstick to deflect the next punch, but since I was disoriented from the first hit, my grip was lacking. She smacked my stick out of my hands and it hit the ground a few feet away. Finding no other means of defense, I did the only thing I could. I grabbed her wrist as she came at me again and grabbed her other as she tried to punch me with her free hand. I now had her in a deadlock and I looked over to Kenny.

Kenny pulled out the bow he had strapped to his back and lined up an arrow. The arrow was that of a nerf dart. There was a whistle as the arrow flew through the air and hit the girl in the back of the head. Her grip loosened and I made my move. I turned my hip into her and spun her away, leaving her wide open for Kenny's assault. Kenny pulled out one arrow after another as he fired away at the defenseless girl. The final arrow hit her in the forehead and she fell on her rear. By this time, the girls were all aching from the fight we gave them and they stood up, giving us the evil eye.

"You like beating up on girls?" The girl with the hat asked.

"No. I told you I didn't want to hit you, but was not afraid to," I replied.

"Asshole!" The girl in the hoodie shouted at me as they walked away.

I sighed as I picked up my nightstick and tucked it back in my belt. Footsteps met my ears as Token, Kenny and the blonde girl came up to me. Token and Kenny were grinning and the girl was smiling too.

"Oh, I hope they didn't break it," the blonde girl said as she pulled on the string of the doll.

The toy began gyrating in her hand and she gave a sigh of relief. Good, it was still in one piece.

"Hey, thanks, I owe you one," the girl said as she looked up at me.

"Don't worry about it, it's cool," I replied.

"Hey, Douchebag, we should get moving," Token said as he started walking away.

"My name's not…" I began to reply, but stopped when the girl spoke again.

"What's your name?" The girl asked.

"Johnny Earnhardt," I replied. "What about you?"

"Annie Nelson."

I smiled and was about to say goodbye, but stopped when Token and Kenny hollered at me again.

"Come on, man! Craig's not going to bust himself out!" Token yelled.

"I'm coming!" I shouted back. "I'll see you around, Annie."

After saying goodbye to Annie, I dashed after Token and Kenny. We were already behind schedule and now had to work overtime to get Craig and return to Eric's house. Well, it could be worse. I could by fighting an army of hall monitors now.

* * *

**That's the chapter everybody. I hope you all enjoyed it and are looking forward to battle of the ginger hallway monitors against Johnny, Kenny and Token. **

**Statements:**

**1.) Feel free to suggest girls that you think Johnny should be paired with. I like the idea of a harem that some reviewers gave because of the humor it could bring, but we'll see where it goes.**

**Answers to reviews:**

**playboyXXX: Great story so far I got 2 questions one whick buddy did you use the most in the game and second who gonna be your ocs you know best freind out of them **

**Answers: To answer your questions. Since I am a tactical guy and I chose fighter, I used Butters and Cartman the most because their AoE attacks allowed me to hit multiple opponents I would not be able to on one turn (That was until I got the ground stomp and I still used them to help me finish them off). Now with regards to who Johnny's best friend will be out of them all, right now it's Butters, but he will be friends with all the boys.**

**nightmaster000: Will you have him do more interactions with character's than their was in the game? Like what you're doing with Butter's parents for example. Will you only be doing quest's from the game, or are you also going do quest's of you're creation?**

**Answer: For your first question, yes. Now for your second, I will probably only do game quests because it's somewhat difficult to come up with side adventures to fit in the story whereas I can use the ones the game had as a template and do my own spin on it.**

**SoulfulGinger17: In addition, when it comes time to recruit the girls, will there be side chapters for the recruitments of the other factions?**

**Answer: Most likely not. If anything when I get to that bit, I will probably shift focus over to Stan and Kyle to show their side of the story when they are rounding them up.**


	6. Of Farts and Gingers

**Hey everybody, I apologize that this update came late, but my laptop had some technical difficulties and I had to operate without it while it was being fixed on a borrowed computer. Now this chapter is the longest one for the story thus far and is filled with humor and action. Let's get to it. As usual stay tuned for the statements and answers to reviewers questions.**

**Disclaimer: I don't own South Park as it belongs to Trey Parker and Matt Stone. I do own the OC "Johnny Earnhardt" in the story.**

**Bold- PA system/Message Bulletins/**

_**Bold Italic- Radio/TV/Facebook/Twitter**_

_Italics-Thoughts/Letters/Flashbacks_

* * *

Token, Kenny and I came to a stop and now stood outside a large brick building. We finally made it to the school. I took a moment to gaze at the building as I would start attending school here tomorrow. The thought excited me, yet it bummed me out as well. I was able to screw around for the two weeks while my folks were in the process of moving and did not have to attend school.

"Craig should be in the cafeteria," Token said as he pointed to the windows on the first floor to the far right.

"Let's check it out," I replied as I started walking to the windows.

Since Craig was in detention, I knew I had to be careful not to draw any attention from the people inside, or it would land me in a pot of hot water. I crouched down and crept up to the window until I was sitting below it. Token and Kenny knelt beside me and kept their eyes open for any teachers that may be roaming the area. Taking the chance, I slowly peeked over the windowsill and peered inside. Through the window I could see lots of tables set up, but there were only ten kids inside. My eyes scanned the room and I finally found Craig sitting near the cafeteria doors. Was he waiting to be broken out? Huh, I guess Eric was being useful in some way and not just sitting on his ass. If he texted Craig that we were coming to get him, then it made my job a little easier.

After finding Craig, I found the adult that was watching over them. I cocked my head as I took in the man's appearance. He was bald for the most part and was wearing black framed glasses. However, his most outstanding feature was his freakishly large head. Damn, his head looked like a fucking balloon. His tie is probably on too tight.

"Douchebag, do you see him?" Token asked.

"Okay, first off, my name is Johnny not Douchebag," I replied as I ducked under the window again. "Second, yes, Craig's near the cafeteria exit. I think Eric may have texted him that we were coming."

Token apologized to me and then nodded. We were about to move, but a shout from inside caught our attention. The three of us peeked over the windowsill again to see what caused the outburst. The big-headed man was walking over to Craig, a look of anger on his face.

"Craig, this is detention! Mkay, stop looking at your watch because you are here for three hours, buddy," the man said.

"Whatever," Craig replied

"Don't think your friends are gonna' come bust you this time, Craig!"

"My name is Feldspar and I'm a level six thief and the humans will soon rescue me from this tower."

I smirked as I heard Craig's response. He was getting a kick out of trolling the grown man and I was enjoying it a bit myself.

"No, you name is fuckin' Craig Tucker and you're in detention!" The man retorted. "Start doing your homework!"

The man turned around and walked back to the table he was sitting at earlier and leaned against it. He faced Craig again with the glare still present on his face.

"Mkay, I've got all the doors sealed and I've got the hallway monitors working overtime," the man continued. "No one is gonna save your ass today, Craig!"

I hate to break it to you, dude, but Craig's coming with me. We walked away from the window and headed for the front door. Lucky for us, the school seemed deserted of all faculty members save for the one adult in the cafeteria and the hall monitors inside. Kenny slowly opened the door and saw a lone hall monitor in the main hall. He turned out and held up one finger to tell us how many people we were dealing with. I nodded and motioned for him to go inside.

The three of us came into the main hall and garnered the attention of the hall monitor. Seeing the red hair, I was able to identify the ginger boy. Ginger hall monitor, huh? That's something you don't see every day. The boy came up to us and adapted an authoritative voice.

"Excuse me, but school is out and no students are allowed on the premises until tomorrow at 7:30," the boy said.

Oh great, just what I need, some other kid trying to boss me around. Sorry man, but I've had enough of that for one day. I came here to do my fuckin' job and I intend on completing it by any means necessary. I spared Kenny and Token a glance and gave a nod. Each of us pulled out our weapons and glared at the kid. The boy looked surprised by the escalation of force and glared at us.

Not giving the ginger boy a chance to attack, I jumped at him first with my baseball bat and swung. The boy jumped away, but was met with a surprise slam from Token who charged into him and knocked him off balance. The boy tripped and fell to the ground and was about to get up, but I made my move. I have a fart on deck that could choke a donkey and I had to release it.

I hovered over the downed hall monitor and released my most fowl smelling Dragonshout yet. Ah, the power of fruit punch rockstar energy drinks. The ginger boy's eyes widened in shock at the disgusting act and he gagged seconds later. I couldn't blame him. Whenever I drank a rockstar, you could expect some super bad farts in the near future. The ginger boy covered his nose and mouth as he bolted to his feet and ran to the main hallway.

"He's getting away!" Token said.

"No he's not," Kenny's muffled voice replied.

Kenny drew a few arrows from the quiver on his back. He pulled back on the string after loading one arrow and released it. The arrow hit the boy in the back and he froze in surprise. Kenny fired again and the second arrow hit his shoulder. He fired the final arrow and hit the boy in the back of the head. The hall monitor fell to the floor in a daze and I turned back to Kenny giving him a grin.

"Nice shot, dude," I said as I high fived him and Token for a good job.

"Wait, what's that kid doing?" Token asked as he pointed at the boy.

The three of us saw him pull something out and my eyes widened in surprise. He had a radio? Shit!

"Officer down!" The boy coughed. "Officer down! Send back up!"

Damn it! I ran over to the boy and grabbed the radio from him before chucking it at the wall. The radio shattered against the wall and the parts littered the floor. I knelt and covered the boy's mouth to keep him from shouting anything out.

"Where's the nearest janitor's closet?" I asked.

"It's over there," Kenny said as he pointed to a single door.

"Okay. Token, help me get this turd in there."

Token grabbed the boy's feet while grabbed him under his arms. The boy struggled as we carried him over to the closet, trying to scream for help, but to no avail. Kenny kept a firm hand on his mouth until we reached the closet. Token managed to open the door and we tossed the kid inside.

"Now be a good boy and shut up in here, okay?" I said as I slammed the door.

* * *

Token pushed a stray chair under the doorknob to keep it from budging. Oh boy, we would be in deep shit if we did not hurry and get Craig out. I hurried to the doors that were not locked shut and kicked it open and the three of us burst through like a hurricane. We entered the hallway and saw that we were cut off by a large barricade with two other hall monitors standing on the other side. I noticed that these hall monitors were ginger as well. What the hell? Did they make all ginger kids hall monitors in this school?

I shook my head and returned my focus to the situation at hand. This was not good. We had no time to dick around. We had to go faster to avoid being caught and anything that could help us avoid fighting all these pricks would make our day easier.

"Johnny, what do we do? I can't afford to get caught here again or my parents will be pissed," Token said.

"I know! I don't want to get caught either!" I shot back. "See if there's something we could use to make this go faster!"

"Hey, what about that?" Kenny asked as he pointed to the sprinkler.

Kenny pulled out his bow and fired another arrow at the sprinkler head. The arrow struck it and it sputtered as it came to life and began to soak the hallway. My eyes then caught sight of a PA speaker hanging above the lockers. To top it off, it looked loose. My hand felt around and it rested on the baseball that was in my pocket. I pulled out the ball and tossed it up in the air once, caught it and looked at the speaker. I wound my arm back and threw the ball as hard as I could. The ball hit the speaker and bounced back to me, but it managed to do what I intended. The speaker was loose and it fell off the wall. It bounced off the locker tops, the barricade and landed on a small puddle of water that formed under the feet of the hall monitors. The hall monitors trembled as volts of electricity flowed through their bodies and they fell to the ground stunned seconds later.

"Now that's what I'm talking about!" I said as I tucked my ball away.

I ran to the barricade and vaulted over it with Token and Kenny following close behind. The three of us hauled ass down the hall and rounded the first corner we came to. Token pointed at the double doors off to our right where the cafeteria would be. I hit the door hard in and attempt to push it open, but bounced off and landed on the ground in surprise. Crap, it was locked.

"You okay, dude?" Token asked as he helped me up.

"Yeah," I replied as I rolled my shoulder.

"You're not gonna get through this door, mkay," the man from the other side.

I growled and clenched my fist as the older man taunted me through the door. He was going to be in for a nasty surprise when we got through.

"You might as well give up because I have hidden the key somewhere and you'll never find it in my office!" The man shouted.

I rose a brow and looked at Token and Kenny. This guy just went full retard and told me where he hid his key.

"Aw, damn it," the man cursed as he realized what he did.

"Who is this clown?" I asked Token and Kenny.

"That guy is the guidance counselor Mr. Mackey," Token replied.

"Good, this just made my job a little easier. Let's go to his office."

Token pointed down the hall and we continued our run. We rounded another corner and started making our way down the next hall. As we neared one of the opening areas, my eyes caught sight of some more red hair. Jesus, how many ginger hall monitors did this school have? I held up my hand to halt Kenny and Token and we hugged the lockers as we hid behind a stack of chairs. If there was one hall monitor here, then there were probably more down the hall.

As I looked around the area, my eyes caught sight of a payphone near a stack of chairs. Getting an idea, I nudged Token and pointed at the phone and the chairs. Getting the message he nodded at me. I pulled out my baseball again and tossed it at the phone. The ball hit the phone and bounced back to me. When my ball hit the phone, it rang and drew the attention of the hall monitor. My plan worked. When the hall monitor went to check on the phone, he stood in front of the chairs. Token ran and crashed into the chairs and sent them toppling down on top of the poor boy. The boy gave a surprised cry as he was crushed by the weight of the chairs.

With another hall monitor taken out, we continued our trek to Mackey's office. We came to two doors after coming to another corner. One read faculty and the other read computer lab. Both doors were locked, but we could hear voices on the other side of the faculty door. The voices sounded as though they belonged to kids, but it sounded as if one of them was shouting for help.

"Get away from me you freaks!" A voice yelled.

Freaks? Was he referring to more gingers? I turned to my left and saw another hallway, but it was closed off. On the other side of the gate that blocked the hallway, I could see two more ginger hall monitors patrolling the area. Crap, we reached a dead-end and we were running out of time. I turned around and got ready to back track to find another route, but Kenny stopped me.

"Hold on a second, let me try something," Kenny said as he slung his bow and walked up to the gate.

Token and I shared a look before returning our focus to Kenny. Kenny sauntered over to the gate and cleared his throat as he gave a girly giggle. I pinched the bridge of my nose as I saw what Kenny was trying to do. There was no way in hell this was going to work, but if it did, I would be fucking amazed. Kenny got up to the gate and his hands came up to the dress he was wearing and he gave another girly giggle before pulling it down to show his bare torso. I shook my head, but my jaw dropped at what happened next. The two ginger kids' faces lit up and they walked over to the gate and opened it, making groping gestures with their hands all the way.

"No fucking way," I muttered as I dragged a hand down my face.

I looked up to see Kenny close his top, give another giggle and pull out two empty beer bottles. There were two loud crashes as the bottles shattered when Kenny slammed them against the heads of the gingers. The two ginger hall monitors dropped to the ground out cold from the surprise hit and Kenny turned around to face me and Token.

"Shall we?" Kenny asked as he walked down another hall.

I had to give Kenny credit for the move, despite its bizarreness. Shaking my head, I followed after Kenny with Token close behind me. Rounding the corner I could see another barricade of chairs that blocked off the hall and standing behind them were three more ginger kids. They were now doing everything in their power to stop me, Kenny and Token from breaking Craig out. I glanced at my watch and swore as we were running out of time. We had to make this go faster.

My eyes darted around the hall in search for something I could use to dispose of the ginger kids faster. I caught sight of an old bulletin board and realized that two ginger kids were under it. Given the condition of the board, it was barely hanging on the wall and it could easily be knocked down. My hand reached for my pocket and pulled out the baseball I had resting inside it. I would my arm back and threw the ball as hard as I could. There was a loud thump as the ball bounced off the board and rolled away, but I got it work. The board fell from its resting place and fell on the two ginger kids standing beside it, gaining a cry of surprise from the two of them. Two down, one to go.

"Assault, let's go!" I said as I charged the last ginger kid.

Token and Kenny hurried after me and each drew their weapons. I brought my nightstick back and smashed it against the boy's hip. He fell to the floor in a crumbled heap as he dealt with the pain. Token planted his foot on the boy's back to keep him from moving and Kenny kept his bow pointed the downed boy. I heard rustling behind me and turned to see one of the gingers that were crushed by the board crawl out from it and pull out a radio.

"More officers down! We're taking heavy casualties out here!"

_**"Damn-it, you hallway monitors need to stop playing around!"**_ Mackey replied.

I decided to let the kid talk to Mackey as I searched the other two we incapacitated. My fingers touched the pocket of the other ginger that was under the bulletin board. A small jingle met my ears and I pulled out a set of keys.

"He's got the brass key! He's some kind of Dragonborn!" The ginger continued

This time I snatched the radio from the ginger kid and turned to make sure my butt was facing him. I smirked as I broke wind and the putrid smell made the ginger boy gag to the point he threw up on the ground.

_**"Now look, this is detention time, not time to play Dungeons and Dragons!"**_ Mackey retorted. _**"And besides, he's never going to get inside here because to open the door, you need the gold key and the only way to get the gold key is by getting the silver key, mkay, which even if he has the silver key he still hasn't made it past the boss level. Mkay."**_

Good lord, this guy was really stupid. He literally told me everything that I had to do, step by step. Not only that, the layout of the keys and the goal was similar to that of a fucking Zelda dungeon. I tossed the radio at the wall and watched it as it broke open and littered the ground.

"Let's go," I said to Kenny and Token and turned around to head back the way we came.

Token and Kenny ran to catch up after knocking out the two gingers. When they caught up to me, I was standing outside of the faculty office that was padlocked shut. I pressed my ear against the door and could hear a kid groaning in pain. I stuck the key in the padlock and turned it and watched as it came undone, allowing entry. Token opened the door and entered the room first with Kenny and me bringing up the rear.

"They're here! Guard the key!" Another ginger boy shouted.

Jesus Christ, how many gingers were in this school? I don't think I've ever seen this many in one place before in my life. There were four of them spread out through the room. Two were to my right and two were on the far end of the room. Just like the halls, there were barricades dividing the room up. The two gingers on the other side of the room were standing beside a boy with messy brown hair. He must have been the one I heard crying for help earlier.

"Do you guys smell smoke?" Token asked.

"Actually, yeah," Kenny replied as he pointed to an ash tray on the table. "There's a lit cigarette in that."

When Kenny and Token pointed that out, I saw a cardboard box below the ash tray. Maybe if started a small fire it would work as a distraction to help break Craig out. I pulled out my baseball bat and smashed the table as hard as I could, but it was at that point I realized my big mistake. Apparently the box was filled with a bunch of fireworks. I just dropped a lit cigarette into that box. Holy shit, if I died from this, here's hoping I got an honorable mention in the Darwin Awards. There was a hiss as one of the random fuses lit.

"Duck!" I yelled as I dove to the floor.

Token and Kenny dove to the floor just as a series of whistles filled the room as the fireworks took off. My eyes watched the chaos unfold as the rockets bounced off the walls and began to explode with loud bangs around us. The final rocket exploded with a loud boom which allowed us to sit up and look at the damage.

We needed to get out of here to avoid getting in trouble for property damage. The room was filled with thick smoke and smelled of gunpowder after the rockets had burst. The cardboard box was now in a blaze, but surprisingly the barricade to the right of us was still intact and the two ginger kids behind it were still in one piece. They looked appalled at what transpired, but that gave me the time I need to make my next move. I stood up with a little difficulty and was doing the best I could to block out the ringing bells in my ears as I turned my butt to the flames. I took a deep breath and released the Dragonshout. Another loud boom filled the room as the remaining fireworks in the box exploded and took out the barricade and gingers behind it.

With the room now clear, we were able to make out way to the brown haired boy that was being held captive. Kenny and Token ran to the boy as I tried to clear my ears with my pinky, but to no avail. I stopped in front of the boy to hear what he had to say, but I was barely able to hear him.

"Thanks, I thought I was a goner!" The boy replied. "There were too many of them. They were too strong, their hair too red…"

The boy reached into his pocket and pulled out the silver key that Mackey mentioned over the radio earlier. I took the key and shoved it in my pocket to avoid losing it. The boy thanked us again and hurried out of the room, no doubt eager to get out of the school and avoid the horde of ginger hallway monitors. Now all we had to do was go to Mackey's office, get the gold key and then bust Craig out. We were almost done and that thought gave us the motivation to dash out of the room and to his office.

Just like the faculty door, the silver key opened the padlock on the door to Mackey's office. We stormed the room and began to search for the key. Kenny was the first to find it. It was resting on the shelf above his desk, just out of reach. Kenny pulled out his bow and fired one of the nerf arrows he had, knocking it from the shelf. There was a clang as the key hit the carpet and I hurried over and picked it up.

"Let's get Craig and get the hell out of here," I said as I ran to the door.

"Ditto." Token nodded.

Being just a little faster than Token and Kenny, I was already rounding the corner that led to the cafeteria just when they got halfway down the hall. However, I came face to face with three more ginger kids, this time, it was different. One ginger in particular was taller than me and the others, possibly a fifth or sixth grader.

"That's far enough, intruder!" The tall one sneered. "Where's your hall pass?"

"I don't have a fuckin' hall pass. Now get the hell out of my way, Carrot Top!" I shot back.

"No hall pass? Then it's time to write you a referral."

What happened next caught me off guard. The tall ginger reached behind him and pulled out a large stick with a basketball tied to it via chain and tape. This just got a lot weirder. The tall ginger ran up to me and I had no time to react. He grabbed me by the front of my shirt and hoisted me into the air.

"Oh yeah, that's the boss," Mackey chimed in from behind the cafeteria doors. "Good luck fighting the bossy, mkay. You still think this is a game, young man?"

It might as well be a game. The way you have been talking all day is just adding to it. I continued to try and squirm free from the tall ginger, but failed in doing so. He tossed me away and I rolled across the floor and came to a rest in front of Token and Kenny who just came around the corner. The two of them looked at me in surprise from my sudden landing.

"Token, Kenny, you deal with the small fry," I said as I stood up. "I'll deal with Carrot Top."

"Who's Carrot Top?" Token replied, but he got his answer when the tall ginger ran at us. "Oh, never mind."

Token and Kenny jumped away from the tall ginger and ran to intercept the other two that were with him. I rolled out of the way to avoid the basketball as it swung at me. Getting to my feet, I pulled out my nightstick and baseball bat. Let's see how this clown handled a dual wielder.

I brought my bat up to deflect a strike from the makeshift mace. The basketball bounced off the bat and I stepped forward with a swing from my nightstick. I managed to get a hit on the tall boy's arm and he jumped away to avoid the next strike. He countered back with a swing of his own which was met with a parry from my nightstick, but the hit was strong enough to knock the nightstick from my hands. Shit, not again. The tall ginger smirked as he swung down at me. I blocked the attack with my bat and narrowly avoided getting hit in the head by the basketball as it wrapped around my bat. The ginger pulled with all his might in an attempt to disarm me, but I managed to hold on.

"Not so tough without your nightstick to help, are you?" The boy smirked.

"I don't need my nightstick to beat your ass," I replied as I struggled to keep my grip on the bat.

"Whatever. This is the end of the line."

If I did not act now, it would be the end of the line for me. I noticed how much the taller boy was trying to pull the bat from me and got an idea. The second he gave a hard tug, I released the bat. The bat left my hands and shot at the boy. The bat hit the boy in the nose and he dropped his mace in surprise as he tried to nurse his nose. While he was distracted, I made my next move. I ran up to him and brought my leg back and kicked as hard as I could for a roshambo. My foot made contact with the taller boy's crotch and his eyes widened in pain as he fell to his knees. As he sat there stunned, I picked up my nightstick and twirled it in my hand as I looked him in the eyes.

"Told you I didn't need a weapon to beat your ass," I said as I brought the stick up and smashed it on top of his head.

The tall ginger's eyes rolled to the back of his head and he fell to the ground out cold. I looked up to see Token and Kenny wrapping things up on their end. They walked over to me as I stood in front of the door and pulled out the key.

"Once I open the door, we make a break for it," I said in a hushed tone.

"Good idea," Token replied as he nodded.

I turned the key and there was a click as the door unlocked. I pushed the doors open wide to allow the kids inside to escape. The kids cheered and jumped from their seats and dashed out the door with Craig blending in with the middle of the group. Token, Kenny and I bolted the second I opened the door and I could only smirk as I heard Mackey's voice yelling after us.

"Damn you, Craig!" Mackey hollered as he ran to try and catch him.

* * *

Token, Kenny, Craig and I were now a safe distance away from the school and lying low behind a set of dumpsters just in case Mackey was still trying to find us. Kenny was keeping watch for Mackey, but after a minute, he gave us the all clear. We stepped from the dumpsters and out onto the sidewalk.

"Thanks for busting me out, guys," Craig said as he looked at Token and Kenny before turning to me. "Who's this kid?"

"He's the new kid. His family just moved here," Kenny replied.

"Oh, yeah? What's your name?"

"I'm Johnny Earnhardt," I replied as I tucked my nightstick back in my belt. "Now, I don't know about you guys, but I think we should get back to Kupa Keep."

The four of us agreed that we were already behind schedule and had to get back to Eric's house before bedtime if we wanted any chance to recover the Stick of Truth from the elves.

* * *

**That's the chapter everyone. Again, I am sorry for the late update, but hopefully the updates will start coming in faster now that my laptop has been fixed. Now that Johnny has rounded up the rest of Kupa Keep's warriors, it's time to counterattack against the elves and reclaim the Stick of Truth. **

**Statements:**

**1.) I've decided to not answer questions for reviews anymore after this chapter. All this does is slowly spoil the story and just has my readers keep asking questions as a review rather than use it to give critique.**

**Answers to reviews:**

**Superfan44: " I'm curious as to why you put the part with defending Annie from the mean girls before the whole Clyde and his army of darkness thing."**

**Answer: Remember, this is an account of my actual gameplay and everything Johnny says or does is what I actually said/thought/did in the game. The reason why he met Annie so early was because I stumbled on her when I was searching for Craig, Token and Tweek in the game, way before the whole reveal that Clyde stole the stick and made the army of darkness.**

**gallantmon7196: "Other than the armor he recieves after becoming Ser and King Douchebag, will Johnny be using any other armor sets? Like the samurai armor or the SWAT gear?"**

**Answer: Please don't look too far into the game's technical aspects. The only armor sets I used in the game was the Kupa Keep set, the SWAT Set, and the last Douchebag upgrade set. I mixed and matched all sorts of items that would benefit me as a class, but I don't want you to look into that.**

**SoulfulGinger17: "And Johnny has met Annie! Unsure of where thinks will go from there, but the love interests have started to arrive! Though, I don't think Johnny is interested in girls, though I may be wrong."**

**Answer: I can assure you, Johnny is interested in girls. Just because I didn't have him stay and talk with Annie or instantly flirt with her doesn't mean he isn't interested. Remember, he is a man on a mission and is more focused on that at the moment.**


End file.
